Tuesday, December 27, 2022

Urban Grimoire: A Spell if Your Relatives are Wrong About Zelenskyy

Holy shit, what kind of utter cunts get upset because my hero and crush President Zelenskyy didn't wear a suit in the Capitol and don't want to give aid to Ukraine?

The country that is overrun by a dictator intent on killing his own people as well as war crimes in Ukraine.

What the actual fuck?

If you are unfortunate enough to have these people and be stuck with them over the holidays you have my complete sympathy. This is a spell to deal with them. If they don't get it you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you've made a fool of them, and if they do... well, lucky you, they'll hopefully never speak to you again.

It's very simple. Just play them this, er, 'Polish Christmas carol'. Beautiful, isn't it?

If that doesn't work, show your MAGAT relatives this picture:

If they still haven't had a stroke, show them how we do it in Britain.

Слава Україні!


Tuesday, December 20, 2022

Urban Grimoire: A Simple Yet Powerful Spell

I have previously blogged about the practice of creating magical entities to do things for you. It's great, you forget about the spell and the bit of yourself you've broken off gets on with it and it happens.

Today an even simpler and more powerful technique, to make a word or phrase itself into a spell so you get everyone saying or thinking it joining in the spell.*

It's very simple, using whatever techniques you use, you just see the action of using that word equating to what you want. An example that's been going round the internet is the idea of cursing your deadname if you're trans. It's brilliant because the haters screw themselves up.

Now because this blog requires participation as well as theory you have to say one word before leaving. All together now,

'Brexit.'

There. Now another lifelong Tory voter has made up their mind to vote tactically at the next election to get them out. I don't actually want a Christmas present: what I'm angling for is having these bad boys in my wallet before I die, because just paying for stuff would kill the gammons.



*Like every magical technique here you won't find this in the fluffy publications because they think it's not ethical to do this without people's consent. All I can say is they're lucky to be in a position not to have to fight and they'll be furious when they find what I've done to the word 'Llewellyn'.

Donald Trump Reading

I'm hoping that things are finally hotting up for Trump. It's been a while since I've read about him so it's high time we had another look into his deranged world.

Certainly the news has been incredible, even just over the past couple of days.

Ranging from the potentially criminal (why on earth isn't he under arrest),

plagiarism,

the odd sensible thing even for Repulsicans, and

the sad,

the deranged,

and the insane.

So let's have a look at how he's coping with this perfect hellstorm of unpopularity and Consequences.

Reading right to left (surely nobody will be surprised that I tend to read backwards unless using a spread with specific places) we have Queen of Cups, 9 of Wands and Knight of Swords. Just to put this out there, all of these cards indicate a totally barmy response to his situation.

The court cards frequently mean either people or personalities, so I would think that in this reading they would either represent people who are important or being blamed in some way. That said the Queen of Cups behaves in the way water transmits (and distorts) things, so I actually think he's feeling the pain now. Not accurately and distorted by his own bizarre world view, but the emotions are flowing now. Since the queen is also blonde there is an obvious person in his life for it to represent, his crush, sorry, daughter Ivanka. I don't think he's sufficiently concerned about anyone for him to be worrying about how his legal trouble would impact on his favourite child, so my money would be that he's worried the legal troubles will eventually get round to Ivanka. And who would be surprised?

The 9 of Wands refers to confrontation pure and simple but the most interesting to my mind is the Knight of Swords. This is a card representing energy all over the place with no real aim or purpose, 'going off on one', and essentially indicative of the way Trump behaves anyway. It must be hell working at Mar a Lago at the moment!

All three cards are looking in the same direction, the direction of reading, and I think he would dearly love to run away to a country without an extradition treaty with the USA. That would make the headlines even more juicy. Lucky he's got a secret service detail on him, isn't it.

I don't do predictive readings (why would I? I'm a witch so the whole point is changing the future) but let's just have a look at the direction this is going in for him.

Finally we have a Major Arcana but of course it has to be the Moon so all bets are off. Pretty well anything could happen at this point because there is so much hidden stuff going on. The picture on the 8 of Cups may make it look better than it is, because it tends to be a card of stagnation and things wrong. I still think the Department of Justice don't want to have to prosecute him and hope he will die before it gets to that point (because when someone has committed about 7 million crimes why would it take this long to arrest them?). Interesting that it then comes back to the Queen of Cups, so I definitely think the legal troubles will extend to other members of the Trump crime family.

Basically, this isn't nearly over and the drama can only increase.

If you're reading this in the US and think this all makes your country sound like a tinpot banana republic, spare a thought for those of us in Europe in a tinpot balkanized banana republic where the criminals in government aren't even facing criminal referrals. 

Monday, December 5, 2022

By Appointment to The Hound

I don't know if other countries with constitutional monarchs do it but of course in the UK we have a system of Royal Warrants where companies are made official suppliers to members of the royal family. They get a crest above the door and get to put the prices up. Some of them are wild, like suppliers of fire extinguishers and older readers will remember how Benson and Hedges were the cigarettes by appointment. Currently I think the barmiest warrant is to Ainsworths Homeopathic Pharmacy, purely because it's the famous one that sells a 'remedy' called Berlin Wall to treat feelings of alienation.

Kings are nearly as good as witches so it's high time I issued some official Royal (or rather, Canine) Warrants of my own and here they are. These have the added advantage that in addition to being a witch so knowing these firms' inner dispositions I'm also a complete nightmare in shops so have mostly tried out these firms' resilience as well.

Apart from anything else this list should be some evidence that I'm not a complete curmudgeon and do occasionally have something good to say.

I feel slightly doomed saying this because my warrant has previously been given to firms which have gone bust (Packard Bell and Blackberry) but my current technology warrant goes to Lenovo. My current Windows laptop should be the same as any other but it's strikingly easier to use. It's also eminently reliable.

My warrant for supply of furnishings and household appliances goes to John Lewis. They naturally have a reputation for being posh but their stuff is quality and they're incredibly easy to deal with. Their own brand electricals are also reliable. This warrant does not extend to their partner firms Waitrose and Ocado because their prices are ridiculous.

Otherwise I have awarded a separate warrant for domestic appliances to Bosch. They just keep going forever and I told my mother she'd regret buying a cheap one when she was berating me for spending £400 on a fridge.

My warrant for supply of energy is awarded to Octopus Energy. They've always been perfectly simple to deal with and have never done any of the cock-ups other energy companies have. And in this case it's not just me saying it, they keep on winning awards from Which? (who are rightly difficult to please and USwitch and now even from the witch. And their electricity is green.

I have issued two warrants for banking: one to The Co-operative Bank and the other to Leeds Building Society. LBS can't quite match the Co-Op's ethical standards but it's still a mutual. They are both strikingly easy to deal with. 

This one might be a surprise because of their generally unethical reputation but I've thought carefully about this and I'm not sure you can get a supermarket with better ethics unless you can afford to shop at The Co-op. So my warrant for home delivery of groceries goes to Tesco because they deliver when they say they will, what you've ordered and with no drama. I used to have deliveries from another one which just wasn't reliable; in contrast Tesco couldn't deliver one night because someone crashed into the van. They rang me up to apologize, gave me a gift voucher and delivered the order the next evening and it was free! Suppliers in shop of groceries and household supplies by appointment to The Hound are Aldi.

If you are near Birmingham and need a gadget repaired my warrant has been awarded to Mr Gadget Xchange behind Oasis. Again I can't overstate how without drama this place is. I think they sell gadgets as well but I haven't used them for that.

I never thought I would find one I would recommend because I've dealt with a lot of solicitors over the past few years and they have mostly been a complete nightmare but I have decided to award my warrant to Mann and Co. Again they stand out for the complete absence of drama and just getting on with it professionally. They do criminal defense, property and family law, and I will leave it to your imagination which I've used them for.

So there you are, my very short list of Royal Warrants.

Oh alright, I know you want the picture of Mohammed Al Fayed burning Harrods's royal warrants.


Tuesday, November 29, 2022

Agony Hound: My Husband of Four Years Doesn't Take our Role Play Seriously

I suspect this problem started off life on Reddit but it's such a sweet problem to have and is so hilarious it's spread round the internet and I personally found it on Tumblr.


The Hound says:
Jesus, what are you playing at? You must know that you must never speak to the cops without an attorney present! Keep your own counsel about it and insist on saying nothing without a lawyer present.
As for the spy scenario your only option, if he's going to do Clouseau, is to roleplay Cato. Otherwise he will get the impression, as I have myself, that it is you who aren't taking this seriously.



Sunday, November 20, 2022

Life Lesson from Donald Trump


Generally speaking, if the prosecutor appointed as special counsel in your multiple crimes has most recently worked in prosecuting international war crimes in The Hague it's time to reconsider your life choices.

That's it, that's the lesson. It may not seem it but it could come in useful some day.

I'm saving the life lesson of how ashamed you should be if your 'taste' in decor is described as dictator chic for another day.

Thursday, November 3, 2022

Spirit of Place: The Battle of Camp Hill

The Camp Hill area of Birmingham started off life called Kemp Hill after the landowner. The name got informally then permanently changed because it was where Royalist Prince Rupert set up camp at the Ship Inn when he thought he'd come up here giving it large to predominantly Parliamentary Birmingham in the Civil War. The battle took place on Easter Monday, 1643.

He wanted to get to the nearby Black Country to obtain more armaments and thought that going through the unfortified then small town (population about 5,000 in 1650) of Birmingham would be easy. He found that his men (numbers given vary between 1,400 and 2,000) were no match at all for only 300 townsmen armed only with what they happened to have and some soldiers from the Lichfield garrison. Prince Rupert went, 'Bugger me, I wasn't expecting this,' and they were forced to withdraw. They then had another go and were forced to withdraw again.

And here we have the true meaning of the immortal words, 'Made in Birmingham'. We've been working on our rep for centuries.


Eventually of course the town succumbed and Prince Rupert was widely critcised for then burning an unfortified town and killing a clergyman.

The site of the inn is now marked by a plaque on a traffic island and there is a weather cock supposedly shot by Prince Rupert himself in the museum.

You can read a contemporary account in A True Relation of Prince Rvpert's Barbarous Cruelly against the Towne of Brumingham here

Oh alright, I know you want to see that Arthur Shelby also understands what Made in Birmingham means!





Wednesday, November 2, 2022

Madame Tussauds and Kanye West's Waxwork

So Madame Tussauds have removed their waxwork of Kanye West from display after his antisemitic comments.

That's terrible. What a waste. The waxwork really should be put to use. WHAT A WASTE.

What the hell are they playing at? Don't get me wrong, I'm ferociously keen on cancel culture and obviously antisemitic people and other Nazis should be cancelled, deplatformed, diversity trained until they scream and prosecuted to the full extent they can. Not killed, obviously, we don't want to get like them.

But when it comes to hiding a waxwork because it depicts an antisemitic scumbag, that's just wrong. They're sitting on the world's biggest wax poppit which already has the collective thoughts of its makers and everyone who has seen it, making a connection to the scumbag. It would be wicked to waste that.

They could get a witch to do it, but that waxwork is so ready that anyone could do it. You wouldn't even need to cast a circle, and even this blessing (from Starhawk) would be a formality:

"Blessed be, thou creature made by art. By art made, by art changed. Thou art not wax but flesh and blood. I name thee Kanye Omari West. Thou art he, between the worlds, in all the worlds, So mote it be."

And then you just set to, seeing in your mind every kind of misfortune happening to him until he admits he's a shit.



Tuesday, November 1, 2022

Fuel Economy with the Witch

Having done a general post on surviving economising I'm going to have to do this one specifically about the aspects of fuel economy which aren't appearing in the mainstream media and which are doing my head in. As always it takes a witch.

But first let me share the helpful graphic which illustrates this post. I would just say that the prices it estimates are based on the *times* on the left hand side so may not represent your situation if you use appliances for different times. I also think that heating a whole house for six hours for £6.76 is at best optimistic but I can't fault their comparative costs. There is also an excellent guide here.

But the two things nobody is saying that are doing my head in are:

1. There are LOADS of clickbait ads trying to get you to buy small fan heaters saying they are cheaper than central heating. Don't be taken in; fan heaters are horrendously expensive to run. If you want to buy an electric heater to heat a small area your best bet is to use a convector heater, and what's more the old Queen agreed with me.

2. What I haven't seen in any media is an essential fact relating to the perfectly sensible suggestion of turning off radiators in any rooms in the house not being used, so that you're heating less water. The problem with this is that you are creating a cold part of the house which will attract all the moisture in the air and will become very damp very quickly and possibly damage your possessions. My advice would be to move your possessions out of unheated parts of the house and leave only things which won't be damaged by mould. These areas will also need ventilating every day to let out the moisture in the air.

Not one of the media sources which has talked about turning off heating that I have seen has made any reference to this basic principle of physics.

Finally in case you are despairing that things will be resolved in the UK without another 300,000 people being killed by the government, have a happy memory of the days when politicians were real politicians. Anyone who has read this blog for any length of time will know what a compliment it is when I say I would have trusted this man with my life and the wellbeing of the country. He's also looking quite sensible in comparison to the cunts we've got in now.


Splodge the legend with his draught excluder:



Wednesday, October 26, 2022

Two More Predictions

Well this is another shit show isn't it. The only advantage is that Sunak is so hated by actual members of the Conservative Party they're all tearing up their membership cards and joining Reform UK..

There must be something they don't like about him. I can't think what it is. (sarc)

Personally in true Nanny Ogg style I keep wondering how a man of eye watering wealth can manage apparently not to own a single shirt or suit which actually fits him. It has been seriously suggested that because he's little, Sunak might be buying boy's school uniform to save on the VAT.

Anyway in an act of incredible restraint I am not going to predict how long his ministry will last because I'm not sure yet. Although sane and solid political commentators are giving him six months at the absolute most.

Instead I'm going to make two other predictions, one of which is being widely mooted and the other isn't.

The first is that *if* Boris lasts as an MP to the next election (and I know that if the standards committee suspends him for the required ten days his constituents are all ready to initiate a recall and prompt a by-election) he will not stand as an MP at all. His reasons are fairly obvious but it would be a pity because Count Binface has formerly asked the other parties not to field any candidates for Uxbridge so that he can stand as an independent and take Johnson down personally.

My other prediction is about Starmer and the elephant in the room, Brexit. My prediction is that if Starmer/Labour don't rejoin then Starmer won't be prime minister very long and the existing chaos will continue. Brexit is the unmentioned thing that is eating prime ministers alive because it just isn't possible to function as a tiny balkanized country in the 21st century. 

I suspect though that what he might do to avoid U-turning again on it is say that people are clamouring to rejoin so let's have another referendum and then will truthfully be able to say he's doing the will of the people.

Can't wait. All together now,

'You lost, get over it'.

Friday, October 21, 2022

My Next Prediction

Going out on a limb here but I'm going to predict the next prime minister undemocratically thrust on us by the fucktangle of shitweazles that is the Conservative Party will be Rishi Sunak. Unfortunately I can't predict this with 100% certainty because they're so unstable.

Now I'm also going to surprise you all by saying that he isn't the candidate the Hound would back. Oh, no. Obviously what I want from what will realistically be available at the next election is a bit of Starmer.* But in the situation the Tories are in my favoured candidate would be Boris Johnson. Purely for the reason that that move would make the government collapse. In fact we could even have a new one by Christmas.

But I don't think that will happen, I think he's only on board as a candidate to make the public relieved it isn't him. What? You mean you made the mistake of believing anything a Tory says? Per-lease!

As it happens there is good news in the form of the voting intentions where the Conservatives continue to fall. That's the reason for the pretty map at the top. 

If you're from the USA, don't forget the colours are the other way round here, our Magats are blue and our Democrats are red. The actual party called the Liberal Democrat Party is orange. The light yellow in Scotland is the Scottish National Party. That cluster of small constituencies in the centre near Wales is the West Midlands conurbation.

Now let's count up the blue constituencies. One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

That's fucking glorious.

That isn't political oblivion, that's not even needing a whole bench in the house even if all your MPs are there. In fact they might as well sit in a broom cupboard outside.

But that's not the best bit, oh no.

There's a lot of orange, but this means if these intentions continue to the next election the opposition party in Westminster would be...

The Scottish National Party.

Who would have thought the Westminster voting intention would provide me with my next wank?

*Please note that this is not what I actually want, which would be a complete revision of our parliamentary system to include at the absolute least some form of proportional representation. And also the Euro so the brexiteers get a slap every time they pay for something.

Thursday, October 20, 2022

My Prediction


It's been a hell of a few weeks for us in this third world tinpot banana republic. And here is my prediction.

I think the Tories naturally want to get rid of Truss but they're fucked if they do and fucked if they don't.

If they get her to resign they have to get the members to choose the leader according to their constitution. Whoever they choose will be a disaster because they're at loggerheads. If they try to change the rules they'll alienate even more of their members.

If they try to prop her up with more competent people around her it will also certainly implode further because she's a walking disaster area.

Therefore my prediction is they will get her to resign, and try to select a caretaker PM, because I think they will think this means less instability. This will explode in their faces because they all hate each other. I don't think Boris would do it because who the fuck would.

The witch's advice which they won't take, is for the best long term effects now they should gather any shreds of integrity they have left and call an election and hand over to a coalition of opposition parties as a caretaker government while this is happening.

I am totally prepared for this to be wrong because who the fuck knows what's going to happen next.

I'm still amazed at how badly they understand the British character. When you start threatening home ownership you're encroaching on a national characteristic. And most of all, you do not insult the tofu.

Monday, October 10, 2022

Magic and Social Media

Well that went well. It was lovely to see people on Twitter picking up the authentic Birmingham spirit in the welcome we gave the Conservative Party.

Meanwhile the battle for justice continues on social media and I have to say I find many aspects of social media fascinating from a magical point of view.

Glamours

The first is the one that people aren't necessarily who they present themselves as on social media. I mean, you didn't really think I was a dog did you?

Magically the new persona created to give someone a different impression is called a glamour. It's not that different from what actors do on a daily basis, or even from dressing the right way for an interview. It is also exactly what we do on social media when we create a profile and a persona.

The wise magical person will of course be wary of who they're talking to, be aware that people may not be who they present themselves as, and use discernment.

Disinformation

Where online glamoury differs from acting or preparing for an interview is that a LOT of the information on the internet is disinformation designed to manipulate other people. For example as the Tories drop even further in the polls Twitter fills with disinformation about Keir Starmer, etc.

The trick is to identify what the information is designed to do. To stay with the same example this disinformation is intended to stop people voting Labour. In our first past the post system, that would help a Conservative win and so attempts to stop voting Labour should be considered propaganda by the 'Let the bodies pile high' party and treated as such. Possibly it's people who don't understand FPTP but most likely to be Tory lies.

Magically you shouldn't engage with it. What should be done is a statement indicating what they are doing and then block them.

Thoughts are Things

This way people influence other people's behaviour on social media is nothing else than an embodiment of the occult principle that thoughts are things and have a reality. 'Influencers' are doing just that by influencing the way people think because that's where change starts.

I'm not a great one for loads of actual wards and shit. I think bad thoughts coming your way are far better grabbed hold of and used in whatever way you want.

The important thing about thinking on social media, though, is to be aware of what is bullshit and just recognize it immediately. The classic examples are the people who say vaccines cause autism. They don't, and anyone saying that should automatically be treated with suspicion.

Servitors

Blocking people before pointing out what they are doing may seem counterproductive but it isn't for two reasons. A real dyed in the wool Tory will not change their mind, and the main reason is the profile you're engaging with is quite likely not to be a real person.

The magical entities created to do things for the magician are called servitors and they are exactly the same as the 'bots' responsible for so much shit online. There are whole farms of these things so the best thing to do is a simple comment pointing out what they're doing and the truth, then block block blockety block.

An example of some bot posts illustrates this post.

Banishing

Blocking, of course, is the equivalent of banishing. 

Personally I have thousands of accounts blocked on my Twitter and only follow something like 12. It's more like antisocial media, the way I go at it.

There is a very easy banishing technique which comes out of chaos magic, which is just to laugh at something. Much better to leave a humorous comment pointing out some facts (to reduce their power and help strengthen other people) then banish, or rather block, the account, than try to engage with them in any way. They don't want a debate, trust me.

The other thing is that the intention of a lot of social media posts is to clog things up and discourage people. Blocking does clean things up and helps you take control.

Words of Power

There's no point being a witch if nobody knows, so it's as well to aim to influence the people trolls or bots are aimed at. The evidence is strongly that their audience will be influenced, and even if the troll is a real person they won't be.

The words should be aimed at performing a major witch action: giving people power and letting them disconnect from trolls' power. Ideally, funny.

For example I posted an unexpectedly popular comment that every time anyone says on Twitter that Labour is the nasty party, another lifelong Conservative voter makes their mind up to vote Labour.

I wonder if they realize it's also a spell?

Have a soundtrack: Soho Road Utte by Sardara Gill, a classic bhangra hit about a road in Birmingham. 



Monday, October 3, 2022

Spirit of Place: Conservative Party Conference Part 3

Goodness, sometimes I feel that it's just me who perceives the utterly welcoming yet strangely stabby spirit of Birmingham, but over this weekend lots of other people have too.

Just to reiterate the spirit as delineated by William Hutton, Birmingham's first historian:

'Were I to enter upon a dedication, I should certainly address myself, "To the Inhabitants of Birmingham." For to them I not only owe much, but all; and I think, among that congregated mass, there is not one person to whom I wish ill. I have the pleasure of calling many of those inhabitants Friends, and some of them share my warm affections equally with myself. Birmingham, like a compassionate nurse, not only draws our persons, but our esteem, from the place of our nativity, and fixes it upon herself: I might add, I was hungry, and she fed me; thirsty, and she gave me drink; a stranger, and she took me in. I approached her with reluctance, because I did not know her; I shall leave her with reluctance, because I do.' (From his History of Birmingham, 'Preface', http://www.gutenberg.org/files/13926/13926-h/13926-h.htm)

He comments on the welcome Birmingham affords the visitor and particularly the poor:

It is singular, that a predilection for Birmingham, is entertained by every denomination of visitants, from Edward Duke of York, who saw us in 1765, down to the presuming quack, who, griped with necessity, boldly discharges his filth from the stage. A paviour, of the name of Obrien, assured me in 1750, that he only meant to sleep one night in Birmingham, in his way from London to Dublin. But instead of pursuing his journey next morning, as intended, he had continued in the place thirty-five years: and though fortune had never elevated him above the pebbles of the street, yet he had never repented his stay.

'It has already been remarked that I first saw Birmingham in 1741, accidentally cast into those regions of civility; equally unknown to every inhabitant, nor having the least idea of becoming one myself. Though the reflections of an untaught youth of seventeen cannot be striking, yet, as they were purely natural, permit me to describe them.

'I had been before acquainted with two or three principal towns. The environs of all I had seen were composed of wretched dwellings, replete with dirt and poverty; but the buildings in the exterior of Birmingham rose in a style of elegance. Thatch, so plentiful in other towns, was not to be met with in this. I was surprised at the place, but more so at the people: They were a species I had never seen: They possessed a vivacity I had never beheld: I had been among dreamers, but now I saw men awake: Their very step along the street showed alacrity: Every man seemed to know and prosecute his own affairs: The town was large, and full of inhabitants, and those inhabitants full of industry. I had seen faces elsewhere tinctured with an idle gloom void of meaning, but here, with a pleasing alertness: Their appearance was strongly marked with the modes of civil life: I mixed a variety of company, chiefly of the lower ranks, and rather as a silent spectator: I was treated with an easy freedom by all, and with marks of favour by some: Hospitality seemed to claim this happy people for her own, though I knew not at that time from what cause.' (Ibid)

But of course there is the other side because if Birmingham reads you and welcomes you it also reads you and spits you out. This is why you meet people who love the place and people who loathe it, but it's not the place, it's the way it reads you and treats you accordingly. I sometimes feel like I'm making this up but this has even communicated itself to others over the weekend.

While I sat on a wall on the Pershore Road for a rest while walking home and a man came up to check I was ok, the haunted Victorian Toilet did a walk past the council house and got strongly heckled. I got one side of Birmingham, he got the other. But the strange thing is it feels like everyone else has picked this up.









Perhaps they'll have the next one in Dunwich.

Sunday, October 2, 2022

Spirit of Place: The Cuntservative Party Conference Part 2

What kind of party holds its conference in a dump? One that wants the protest chants to rhyme! Very, very proud 🥲



You know what they say....


Wherever the Tory Party go you'll hear their theme tune, courtesy of Hugh Grant and national treasure Steve Bray:




It's not even just outside: I honestly don't think they'll need the same venue ever again. This is one of the smaller rooms in the ICC:



Saturday, October 1, 2022

Spirit of Place: The Conservative Conference

As you know I am scrupulously fair and try to make this blog balanced so you will understand that I'm being very restrained when I say that the lying thieving Tory scum are in Birmingham for their party conference.

Well, it all kicked off before they started. They've tanked in the latest yougov poll and if that was repeated in a general election would be essentially wiped out. Then the chair of the Young Conservative Network made the mistake of tweeting that Birmingham was a dump and the backlash was immediate. I'm inordinately proud: Birmingham is the most welcoming place in the world but the reason some people don't like it is the spirit of the city reads you very accurately and will spit you out if you're a cunt.










I'm particularly fond of the hilarious comment about the Burger (Bar) Boys, which far from being anything to do with cooking was a previous vicious gang who were named after the place they hung out after a member was murdered there. Then a Birmingham Labour MP retweeted his comment with a comment about how the Conservatives were trying to endear themselves. He then deleted the tweet and tweeted an apology, at which everyone started tweeting his notably Islamophobic other comments about Birmingham:

He really is a privileged twat isn't he? He also suggested the conference should be held in a place which actually votes Conservative so of course everyone started pointing out how few places that will be after the next election. 
I am honestly delighted at the perfect Twitter storm unleashed on him. You don't upset Birmingham and get away with it. I'm particularly keen on what happened next:

Because in the Conservative Party you can fuck up the entire country, steal and lie with impunity, but making the party look bad is very naughty.
You may be asking why I'm not advocating casting a spell to get rid of the government. Well, frankly I don't need to do I? They're doing it themselves!
Count Binface said the bit he wasn't supposed to:



Very important: In the next General Election for the first time you will need photographic ID to vote. The list of accepted ID is here. The evidence from around the world is that this requirement makes it more difficult to vote, and the government are obviously thinking that their own voters are most likely to have these things already. So if you don't, get one NOW so you're ready, because trust the witch, if you're not going to vote Conservative they're going to do everything they can to stop you voting.