INFJs Hate Conflict

I realise this post will look strange coming on the heels of my last post but it really is true. The two predominant myths of the good little INFJ and the nightmare INFJ who creates havoc are both misunderstandings and I hope to show why in this post while also explaining why we are usually surrounded by trouble yet hate it.

The key is in what makes someone an INFJ, and it is true that people with this personality type are frequently survivors of abuse and other trauma. If I say that trauma makes you alert to patterns of behaviour and warning signs that things aren't right it will go a long way to explaining why these experiences help develop an INFJ personality.

Unfortunately there are many people who think it is okay to say whatever comes into their head to justify their behaviour and this is why what we see as attempts to resolve a problem turn into conflict! I honestly think that many people wouldn't even notice this, are conditioned to assume other people's good will, or just let things rest for a quiet life. Even as a child I remember being horrified when my mother told me people just did lie and I should just accept this. 

This post has largely been inspired by difficulties, mainly with communication, that I have been having with the agency I have been using to manage my tiny property business, culminating in me looking for another agency. I suspect many people would just have ignored stuff but I'm not built that way, and I think that's a major contributor to the INFJ conflict. I also don't have a clear answer to how to deal with this hence this post is more aimed at describing how it happens rather than suggesting solutions. 

Many articles give the excellent advice that the INFJ ought to deal with the conflict, manage their emotions, not bottle up their emotions and reflect calmly on what is happening and obviously I can't fault that advice. For someone else's less jaded account of INFJ conflict and the door slam I would recommend here. Another excellent article telling people how not to get doorslammed by not being a prick is here - in fact the only problem there is that we expect people to know that.

Put like that it doesn't sound at all unreasonable to expect people not to be pricks and the Tom Hardy quote is probably of relevance!

Just one final reflection, that I am surprised how much trouble this post gave me and this is something like version 28.6.74! I am also delighted to discover that there is film of Nipper, the dog who was the model for the HMV logo. Perhaps I should say that this is the second Nipper model as the first died in 1895. I feel such affinity with him...