INFJs Hate Conflict

I realise this post will look strange coming on the heels of my last post but it really is true. The two predominant myths of the good little INFJ and the nightmare INFJ who creates havoc are both misunderstandings and I hope to show why in this post while also explaining why we are usually surrounded by trouble yet hate it.

The key is in what makes someone an INFJ, and it is true that people with this personality type are frequently survivors of abuse and other trauma. If I say that trauma makes you alert to patterns of behaviour and warning signs that things aren't right it will go a long way to explaining why these experiences help develop an INFJ personality.

Unfortunately there are many people who think it is okay to say whatever comes into their head to justify their behaviour and this is why what we see as attempts to resolve a problem turn into conflict! I honestly think that many people wouldn't even notice this, are conditioned to assume other people's good will, or just let things rest for a quiet life. Even as a child I remember being horrified when my mother told me people just did lie and I should just accept this. 

This post has largely been inspired by difficulties, mainly with communication, that I have been having with the agency I have been using to manage my tiny property business, culminating in me looking for another agency. I suspect many people would just have ignored stuff but I'm not built that way, and I think that's a major contributor to the INFJ conflict. I also don't have a clear answer to how to deal with this hence this post is more aimed at describing how it happens rather than suggesting solutions. 

Many articles give the excellent advice that the INFJ ought to deal with the conflict, manage their emotions, not bottle up their emotions and reflect calmly on what is happening and obviously I can't fault that advice. For someone else's less jaded account of INFJ conflict and the door slam I would recommend here. Another excellent article telling people how not to get doorslammed by not being a prick is here - in fact the only problem there is that we expect people to know that.

Put like that it doesn't sound at all unreasonable to expect people not to be pricks and the Tom Hardy quote is probably of relevance!

Just one final reflection, that I am surprised how much trouble this post gave me and this is something like version 28.6.74! I am also delighted to discover that there is film of Nipper, the dog who was the model for the HMV logo. Perhaps I should say that this is the second Nipper model as the first died in 1895. I feel such affinity with him...

A Curse on Boris Johnson

Much needed and I must be losing it as I haven't cursed the lying cunt till now. If you wish, please read this and see these things happening to him, to strengthen the curse.

Come, infernal, celestial and terrestrial Goddess. I give over to you the head of Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, his breast, liver, heart, and lungs, so that he may not be able to discover the source of his pain; his intestines, stomach, navel, and sides, so that he may not be able to sleep; his shoulder blades, so that he may not be able to sleep soundly; his “sacred organ,” so that he may not be able to urinate; his rump, anus, thighs, knees, shanks, shins, feet, ankles, heels, toes, and toenails, so that he may not be able to stand by his own strength. No matter what he may have written, great or small, his lies multiply his ills. Let him perish miserably. Let him leave life miserably. Let him be destroyed miserably. Take care of him so that he may not see another month.

Have a soundtrack:

Source of the spell

The obstruction is the way

Apologies for the mindfulnessish sounding title - it just seems to fit best.

Today is the fourteenth of January which means it has been four days since my last post here. Not long by any standards, especially as this blog isn't a chore so I have always resisted any feelings of ought or should about it. And yet something very strange has been happening - I have convinced myself that I haven't posted for ages, have writer's block and should put a post on here saying the blog is on hiatus.

And then it struck me that virtually the only thing I actually have ever had to say here is that the hedge - a blockage - is the place of liminality where the magic happens. The hedge of the hedge witch also has similarities with the desert where you notoriously experience strange things.

And bingo - another blog post. The block, the hedge, is the source of the creativity. As one of the desert fathers never said - your hedge will teach you everything!

Whose Witchcraft?

Surely it will come as no surprise that I love the films directed by Pete Walker which star the wonderful Sheila Keith, an incredibly versatile old lady who had no qualms about playing a cannibalistic tarot reader in Frightmare. I have been watching House of Whipcord, with rather mixed effects. Speaking as a raging homosexual, a film set in a women's prison is never going to be sexy for me personally. However I suspect that House of Whipcord is intended to be sexy in the same way Hostel starts off sexy before the film deliberately makes it all wrong by having people's faces being blowtorched. This is a totally deliberate thing to make you feel all wrong, uncomfortable and slightly guilty.

But in the case of House of Whipcord, frankly seeing the girls getting whipped - I'm very aware that this is somebody else's sexual fantasy I am watching.

I am also following a man on Instagram who is hot stuff, and a witch, and definitely gay.

So why is he celebrating a very heterosexual God and Goddess, fertility, Wicca type witchcraft which is almost completely gleaned from other people, both books and I think he has had some direct teachers? It's like watching someone watching someone else's sexual fantasy which you know is not his. It's absolutely bizarre, in my eyes at least totally inauthentic and if he didn't have an intriguing patch of hair in a certain place I would be unfollowing post haste.

And yet despite this he still manages to keep an authentic sense of place. I think he is from the Black Country and I think lives in the Staffordshire country to the north of here, and local life and folklore totally gets an input into his witching.

Now you may very reasonably say, Hound, you arrogant bastard, who are you to say what is authentic to anyone else? And of course that's the point. It strikes me that he is using a different combination of the ingredients common to all modern witchcrafts from my own combination.

There are two different poles for how you get witchcraft. One is you are given it by someone else. This is obviously the initiatory traditions like Gardnerians, and their source for it is previous initiatory magical orders and Freemasonry. This tradition is also represented by the tradition Leland mentions that you have to give the magic to someone else before you can die. He tells the story of a witch who gave the power to a priest just for the craic.

The other tradition is the one where you go off into the woods (or into an underpass in my case - never underestimate the magical powers of a 1960s underpass) and teach yourself, make it up, or learn it from the entities you meet on the journey. There is much interchange between these two poles of course.

'There is no room for homosexuals in the Craft,' Gardner used to say. Of course this was because he liked nude young women and 'the great rite' and he can kiss my arse. My humble opinion is that if you ape someone else's witchcraft it will never truly be authentic. The way I keep comparing witchcraft to sex is totally deliberate - not just because it pretty much is sex - but the illustration holds perfectly. If you try to live someone else's sex life you're at best on a hiding to nothing - it must be yours and that is why Know Yourself is such a major magical thing.

Besides, the Goddess doesn't want sheep, that's a different thing completely.

I suppose the point I'm really getting at is you can't do somebody else's sexual fantasy or witchcraft and as you can see I have expressed my mystification but haven't actually gone so far as to act when someone else's witchcraft is in clear opposition to their expressed sexual interests!

Agony Hound: Husband confessed to an affair just after we got married - I can't move on

If your husband doesn't awkward up gatherings enough you can hire me to do it

My first demolition of another person's life and happiness of the new year with bad advice and witchy solutions! Another Coleen Nolan this time, from here.

Dear Coleen,

My husband and I have been together for a few years, but only married last summer in a very small (Covid-friendly) ceremony.

I’d wanted to tie the knot for a long time, but always felt I was pushing him into it.

However, he took me by surprise with a lovely proposal and seemed keen for the opportunity to have a very low-key wedding. But he admitted to me just before Christmas that he’d been having an on/off affair for some time.

He was very upset when he told me and said he’d ended the affair, but couldn’t cope with the guilt and wants to make a fresh start with me.

I don’t know the other woman – she’s someone he’s known for a while through work friends – but I know she’s single. I’m heartbroken and it’s ruined Christmas, obviously. I ended up going to stay with my family and he stayed at our house.

I do love him, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to move on from the betrayal – I just feel so hurt and humiliated at the moment.

My parents and the rest of my family are so shocked.

They all like him and can’t believe he would do something like this.

I’d love some advice on how to move forward.

Coleen says,

If you do want to try, I don’t think you can expect things to improve quickly.

However, I do believe it’s possible to move on from it and stay together if it’s what you both want.

You’re going to feel hurt and devastated for a while, and working through it will be painful. It’s a crisis point and things could go either way, but the most important thing is that he’s honest about why he had the affair and that you can both talk openly about how you feel and whether or not you can move on from it.

The best way to do this is probably through relationship counselling (try relate.org.uk ).

Trust takes a long time to rebuild, so both of you need to be prepared for that – it’s not a question of your husband simply unburdening himself of the guilt and “making a fresh start”.

You have to pick through all of the painful stuff and, at the end of it, you might decide you can’t forgive him and remain in the relationship.

I realise how shocking and disappointing this is, especially after you married recently but, trust me, no one will be judging you.

Anyone who loves you will support you and want what’s best for you – whatever decision you come to. 

Unusually, I'm going to give a couple of the comments people have left on the page because I just love it when people are even more unsubtle than me, and I want a few different points of view because as will become apparent I wasn't sure.

Find out if it's the only affair during his time with you and if he has a past of cheating on exes, talk to the other woman independent of him and you'll have everything you need to know. Take him back now and he'll be having his cake eating it for the rest of your days.

And

I'd go for an anullment and severe all ties with her partner who by confessing has unburdened his guilt onto her.If she stays with him she will be looking over her shoulder for the rest of her life and nobody wants that.

The Hound says:

My literal first thought as I read the first paragraph was that he was a controlling bastard who at the very least could have done this before you got married. My second thought was to think that at least he has confessed to it which is better than just not telling you, and suggests that despite having bollocksed up he is making some effort to make his marriage work sensibly.

You can tell from my reaction and the comments I've copied above that this is fairly dividing so I am going to make a point of approaching this in a witchy way.

One of the classic magical acts is divination and so the first thing to do is to get an understanding of what is actually happening. For example, I leapt to the conclusion that he is one of those controlling and coercive types however don't know this, and you are not saying he is. However you would be well advised to make a point of his behaviour and how he makes you feel. Does he actually consider what you want really? Do you ever feel like he's ignoring your boundaries? I'm not suggesting a full scale inquest, just tuning more into what you are seeing and feeling, to see if any alarm bells have been ringing and you haven't been paying attention. For example you say that you have always felt like you were pushing him into marriage until he unexpectedly proposed and that is exactly the kind of alarm bell I mean, which need further exploration. As always I would suggest writing these things down or even drawing pictures to 'incarnate' them on paper, help make them real and provide a record if your thoughts become clouded.

The other thing, which is what makes advice from strangers at best irrelevant, is that only you know what you feel for your husband and what you want from a marriage. What I'm hearing you say is not that you are terminally betrayed by this - had you been you would have just walked out and not asked for help.

Making the marriage what you both want it to be is the ultimate witchy thing because it is an act of creation and self determination. Personally my own view is if he let you talk him into proposing to him while he was shagging another woman, you need your head examined if you keep him in your life, but who knows. He may be rich. It's your life and marriage and you're welcome to screw it up.

I would second Coleen's advice about relationship counselling because it will help to establish what you both want and establish your future marriage on a firm basis. I realise that I have tended to focus on you but of course you both are the unit here.

Speaking of which, you mention the reaction of other members of your family. I appreciate you needed to go somewhere but you've now made sure your family members will forever think of him as a cheat, and just to put it out there that if you're together at Christmas 2022 this fact may not help the gathering to be that comfortable.

However you don't come here for normal advice (you can get that from Coleen Nolan) so here's some magic if you decide you want to keep him faithful to you. I do not recommend doing this - not for the reasons Llewellyn publications give, that love spells like this don't allow the other person to consent - but because having your husband bound to you in this way is a thought which horrifies me.

There are two different things you can do beyond the obvious one of being so good in bed he'll never look at another woman again. Write his name and your name on two pieces of paper. Take bodily remains (hair, nail clippings, etc) and wrap them up in the respective papers. Bind the papers together (basically with whatever you fancy, although pink ribbon is good for love and red for lust) and you're good. If you want him to find it and be in awe of you as an enchantress, leave it under the bed or otherwise put it somewhere he won't find it.

The other one is genuinely ancient magic however may be seen as a little cultural misappropriation because it is from hoodoo, African American folk magic. Get your old cruddy knickers that you wear when you're on your period and cut out the crotch. Give the crotch bit a good boil in some water, throw away the knicker remains and let the water cool. Use it in cooking and in his drinks either all at once or gradually. He will be crazy for you and if you find he keeps being sorry for having cheated on the most wonderful woman in history and his repeated apologies become annoying, you'll have to find another way to occupy his lips. 

An Ethical Quandary

I should preface this post by saying that it is by way of thinking aloud and no actions should be taken on the basis of reading it.

I see that Marjorie Taylor Greene has finally been banned from Twitter for being a fool. I can see the argument that if you don't give these people a platform you force them underground and feed into their delusions of persecution. I can also see, and would come down on the side of, the argument that some points of view are so dangerous and just plain offensive, that they must not be given a hearing in civilized society.

The problem is that the society we live in is drifting so quickly towards Fascism that views and opinions which are just plain murderous are gaining further acceptance.

The obvious example is the view that we should just ignore coronavirus and the weak and the old can just die. I just wish I was caricaturing this.

The other obvious example is that our current UK government are interested in anything other than themselves and lining the pockets of their cronies. They are not governing the country and in my opinion the queen should use the legal power she has to dissolve parliament. They've made a few colossal mistakes - as the expert in human behaviour I am I could tell them for a fact that at some point taking away legal right to protest will in itself cause riots. But they didn't bother asking me.

The real problem is that the people in the ascendant cannot be reasoned with. They honestly don't care about anyone else and so have to be told, which brings me to the quandary. If you force these people to behave in a way which bears any consideration for anyone else, you are behaving exactly like them.

However if you don't force them - this will sound apocalyptic - the world will actually end. I am certain it will at some point because the sun can't last forever, but we're heading for an apocalyptic end of poverty, violence, starvation, and so on.

I don't have an answer to this. I'm lucky because I'm old, have no descendants and so would not be leaving this shambles for anyone else, but I honestly don't understand why you would bring a child into the world at this point.

I am acutely aware that this is the kind of power struggle I so often write about here. I am also acutely aware that the majority of people are sheep and will not do anything about it. Greta Thunberg is all very well but she won't change the trajectory.

Anyone any ideas?

Oh - I have a perfect soundtrack to this.

More Turds

Hello Witches

Happy new year! Let's start off in true Hound fashion with a post about some turds if you feel like practicing your cursing. This post will be almost completely picture based because I happen to have found a number of pictures which speak volumes.

Every time anybody says the name of the people in this picture their fate is further sealed.

Birds of a feather flock together.

How nice.

More birds of a feather.

I had forgotten that Savile was a wrestler but a hero of mine, Adrian Street, beat him black and blue in the ring.

Adrian Street is the one on the right.

Finally I have found a gif I know you will all want to see because it shows me being co-operative and playing nicely and sociably.