Marriage is actually the perfect case in point for this, so let's start from basics. Here's the bottom line: the reason that marriage is so heavily-emphasised in our society is that culturally our society is Judaeo-Christian in origin. In societies which are not, marriage is different, for example in South Africa, my friend's boss has several wives. That is a whole different issue, but the point is that in societies which are not Judaeo-Christian in culture marriage is different.
Those who take an assimilationist view will not be alarmed at the idea of it being spelled out that gay marriage is actually buying into a Christian institution, but it seems to me that amongst a Witch & Queer audience there ought to be enough people who've had bad experiences with the Christians that this should cause disquiet. Here's what the Church of England's marriage ceremony (in the 1662 Book of Common Prayer) has to say about marriage:
DEARLY beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this Congregation, to join together this man and this woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honourable estate, instituted of God in the time of man's innocency, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church; which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with his presence, and first miracle that he wrought, in Cana of Galilee; and is commended of Saint Paul to be honourable among all men: and therefore is not by any to be enterprised, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly, to satisfy men's carnal lusts and appetites, like brute beasts that have no understanding; but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God; duly considering the causes for which Matrimony was ordained.
First, It was ordained for the procreation of children, to be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, and to the praise of his holy Name.
Secondly, It was ordained for a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication; that such persons as have not the gift of continency might marry, and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ's body.
Thirdly, It was ordained for the mutual society, help, and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity. Into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined. Therefore if any man can shew any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace.
Source: http://www.churchofengland.org/prayer-worship/worship/ book-of-common-prayer/the- form-of-solemnization-of- matrimony.aspx
The main point I want to pick up here is that the origin of marriage is actually a theological one, it mirrors the relationship between Christ & his Church. It also demonstrates the difficulty that Christian theology has with finding some way to accommodate the troublesome sex urges that go away. To me this likeness is not an adequate theology because I think most married couples are in a sexual relationship. I understand it not to be acceptable to have a sexual relationship with Christ. This relationship means one has to be Christ (the man) which makes the other (the woman) the Church who has to obey him. He is God & man, we are not. Finally it makes this relationship between only two individuals, ruling permanently out any possibility of polyamory, & making it difficult to know how to move this on if my relationship with my spouse fails. None of this is what I want for myself. It is what I have escaped from by escaping Christianity.
Worse still, marriage implies worse things about my humanity. Here is what the Cathechism of the Catholic Church has to say about marriage:
Sacred Scripture begins with the creation of man and woman in the image and likeness of God and concludes with a vision of "the wedding-feast of the Lamb."85 Scripture speaks throughout of marriage and its "mystery," its institution and the meaning God has given it, its origin and its end, its various realizations throughout the history of salvation, the difficulties arising from sin and its renewal "in the Lord" in the New Covenant of Christ and the Church.86
1603 "The intimate community of life and love which constitutes the married state has been established by the Creator and endowed by him with its own proper laws.... God himself is the author of marriage."87 The vocation to marriage is written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator. Marriage is not a purely human institution despite the many variations it may have undergone through the centuries in different cultures, social structures, and spiritual attitudes. These differences should not cause us to forget its common and permanent characteristics. Although the dignity of this institution is not transparent everywhere with the same clarity,88 some sense of the greatness of the matrimonial union exists in all cultures. "The well-being of the individual person and of both human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life."89
1604 God who created man out of love also calls him to love the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being. For man is created in the image and likeness of God who is himself love.90 Since God created him man and woman, their mutual love becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves man. It is good, very good, in the Creator's eyes. and this love which God blesses is intended to be fruitful and to be realized in the common work of watching over creation: "and God blessed them, and God said to them: 'Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it.'"91
1605 Holy Scripture affirms that man and woman were created for one another: "It is not good that the man should be alone."92 The woman, "flesh of his flesh," i.e., his counterpart, his equal, his nearest in all things, is given to him by God as a "helpmate"; she thus represents God from whom comes our help.93 "Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh."94The Lord himself shows that this signifies an unbreakable union of their two lives by recalling what the plan of the Creator had been "in the beginning": "So they are no longer two, but one flesh."95
Marriage under the regime of sin
1606 Every man experiences evil around him and within himself. This experience makes itself felt in the relationships between man and woman. Their union has always been threatened by discord, a spirit of domination, infidelity, jealousy, and conflicts that can escalate into hatred and separation. This disorder can manifest itself more or less acutely, and can be more or less overcome according to the circumstances of cultures, eras, and individuals, but it does seem to have a universal character.
1607 According to faith the disorder we notice so painfully does not stem from the nature of man and woman, nor from the nature of their relations, but from sin. As a break with God, the first sin had for its first consequence the rupture of the original communion between man and woman. Their relations were distorted by mutual recriminations;96 their mutual attraction, the Creator's own gift, changed into a relationship of domination and lust;97 and the beautiful vocation of man and woman to be fruitful, multiply, and subdue the earth was burdened by the pain of childbirth and the toil of work.98
1608 Nevertheless, the order of creation persists, though seriously disturbed. To heal the wounds of sin, man and woman need the help of the grace that God in his infinite mercy never refuses them.99 Without his help man and woman cannot achieve the union of their lives for which God created them "in the beginning."
1609 In his mercy God has not forsaken sinful man. the punishments consequent upon sin, "pain in childbearing" and toil "in the sweat of your brow,"100 also embody remedies that limit the damaging effects of sin. After the fall, marriage helps to overcome self-absorption, egoism, pursuit of one's own pleasure, and to open oneself to the other, to mutual aid and to self-giving.
1610 Moral conscience concerning the unity and indissolubility of marriage developed under the pedagogy of the old law. In the Old Testament the polygamy of patriarchs and kings is not yet explicitly rejected. Nevertheless, the law given to Moses aims at protecting the wife from arbitrary domination by the husband, even though according to the Lord's words it still carries traces of man's "hardness of heart" which was the reason Moses permitted men to divorce their wives.101
1611 Seeing God's covenant with Israel in the image of exclusive and faithful married love, the prophets prepared the Chosen People's conscience for a deepened understanding of the unity and indissolubility of marriage.102 The books of Ruth and Tobit bear moving witness to an elevated sense of marriage and to the fidelity and tenderness of spouses. Tradition has always seen in the Song of Solomon a unique expression of human love, a pure reflection of God's love - a love "strong as death" that "many waters cannot quench."103
1612 The nuptial covenant between God and his people Israel had prepared the way for the new and everlasting covenant in which the Son of God, by becoming incarnate and giving his life, has united to himself in a certain way all mankind saved by him, thus preparing for "the wedding-feast of the Lamb."104
1613 On the threshold of his public life Jesus performs his first sign - at his mother's request - during a wedding feast.105 The Church attaches great importance to Jesus' presence at the wedding at Cana. She sees in it the confirmation of the goodness of marriage and the proclamation that thenceforth marriage will be an efficacious sign of Christ's presence.
1614 In his preaching Jesus unequivocally taught the original meaning of the union of man and woman as the Creator willed it from the beginning permission given by Moses to divorce one's wife was a concession to the hardness of hearts.106 The matrimonial union of man and woman is indissoluble: God himself has determined it "what therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder."107
1615 This unequivocal insistence on the indissolubility of the marriage bond may have left some perplexed and could seem to be a demand impossible to realize. However, Jesus has not placed on spouses a burden impossible to bear, or too heavy - heavier than the Law of Moses.108 By coming to restore the original order of creation disturbed by sin, he himself gives the strength and grace to live marriage in the new dimension of the Reign of God. It is by following Christ, renouncing themselves, and taking up their crosses that spouses will be able to "receive" the original meaning of marriage and live it with the help of Christ.109 This grace of Christian marriage is a fruit of Christ's cross, the source of all Christian life.
1616 This is what the Apostle Paul makes clear when he says: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her," adding at once: "'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the Church."110
1617 The entire Christian life bears the mark of the spousal love of Christ and the Church. Already Baptism, the entry into the People of God, is a nuptial mystery; it is so to speak the nuptial bath111 which precedes the wedding feast, the Eucharist. Christian marriage in its turn becomes an efficacious sign, the sacrament of the covenant of Christ and the Church. Since it signifies and communicates grace, marriage between baptized persons is a true sacrament of the New Covenant.112
Source: http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P51.HTM
This is even worse. I cannot see religions which see people as somehow intrinsically 'sinful' & pander to people's urges to seek reolution of this idea as anything other than abusive.
Where this specifically applies to those of homosexual orientation is this: marriage is one of the Christians' sacramental remedies for sinfulness. If we allow ourselves to be drawn into the Christian institute of marriage there will always be an undertone of it being better for homoosexuals to marry than not. The institution does not come from today's liberal feel-good philosophy of equality, dignity & rights. It is allowing some people to have sex with the Church's blessing. It is better for Christians to be married than sin outside wedlock, & it will be the same for homorsexual marriage.
Don't get me wrong: I have the utmost respect for those Christians to whom I am an anathema, & who purely for my own good want to tell me I'm going to hell. Also for those Christians who say homosexuals should not be allowed to marry. But do not offer your dubious remedies for sin to me.
Anyway, the Catechism of the Catholic Church starts off with their Holy Scripture, which is exactly what the blog post I was reading to start off with is about. It's the lyrics of a song about marriage in the bible with the actual biblical texts it refers to. This should demolish anyone's remaining respect for 'holy' matrimony:
I want a marriage like they had in the Bible, because the Bible tells me so.
Now, Abraham and Sarah had a marriage, but she could not bear him...a kid.
So Sarah gave Abraham a slave girl and pretty soon they did it and they did, Lord Lord. Pretty soon they did it and she did.
Now I know that slavery was banned. But a woman should be free to give a slave girl to her husband.
Now Sarai Abram's wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid ... And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai. And Sarai ... took Hagar her maid the Egyptian ... and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife. And he went in unto Hagar, and she conceived. Genesis 16:1-4
I want a marriage like they had in the Bible, because the Bible tells me so.
Now Othniel and Achsah had a marriage, because she was a battle prize he won.
Yes, he fought to win Caleb's daughter. And he was Caleb's brother and his son-in-law.
Yeah, he was Caleb's brother and his son.
Now I know it sounds like incest, but a woman should be proud to be married off and princessed.
Caleb said, He that smiteth Kirjathsepher ... will I give Achsah my daughter to wife. And Othniel the son of Kenaz, Caleb's younger brother,. took it: and he gave him Achsah his daughter to wife. Judges 1:12-13
(There is some disagreement about whether Othniel was Caleb's brother or nephew, but either way "it sounds like incest.")
I want a marriage like they had in the Bible, because the Bible tells me so.
Now if two brothers live together and one dies, the other one must marry his brother's widow.
For this is pleasing in God's eyes. And if he should refuse, then she should steal his shoes and spit right in his face. It's right there in the Bible.
If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her ... And if the man like not to take his brother's wife ...Then shall his brother's wife ... loose his shoe from off his foot, and spit in his face. Deuteronomy 25:5-9
Now Jezebel and Ahab had a marriage. And she began usurping all his power.
She was wicked, of course, but he could not divorce her, so he had her thrown off a tower, Lord, Lord.
And sent the dogs her carcass to devour.
Now I know, it sounds excessive. But a woman should submit to her husband or be made a mess of.
Throw her down. So they threw her down: and some of her blood was sprinkled on the wall, and on the horses: and he trode her under foot ... And they went to bury her: but they found no more of her than the skull, and the feet, and the palms of her hands ... This is the word of the LORD, which he spake by his servant Elijah the Tishbite, saying, In the portion of Jezreel shall dogs eat the flesh of Jezebel. And the carcase of Jezebel shall be as dung upon the face of the field. 2 Kings 9:33-37
(Actually, though, in fairness to Ahab, he had nothing to do with his wife's death. Jehu, Elijah, and God were the co-conspirators of Jezebel's messy death.)
I want a marriage like they had in the Bible, because the Bible tells me so.
Now if a man should take a woman to be his, and it turns out he thinks she's not a virgin.
Well then her parents have a chance to prove she is. And if they let her down, then every man in town,
should stone her till she's dead. It's right there in the Bible. (Deuteronomy)
If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her ... And say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And ... say ... these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity ... But if ... the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel, Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die. Deuteronomy 22:13-21
Now Solomon and Naamah had a marriage. And they were together all their lives.
Yes she was his. And he was pretty busy, cause she was one of seven hundred wives, Lord, Lord.
Yeah, Solomon had seven hundred wives. (And three hundred concubines.)
Now I know, that's illegal. But a woman should be one of as many wives as her husband can inveigle.
And Rehoboam the son of Solomon reigned in Judah ... And his mother's name was Naamah. 1 Kings 14:21
Solomon ... had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines. 1 Kings 11:2-3
I want a marriage like they had in the Bible, because the Bible tells me so.
Source: http://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/roy-zimmerman-i-want-marriage-like-they.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+blogspot/NAhLF+(Dwindling+In+Unbelief)
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