Agony Hound: Parents sell son's house after he uninvites them from wedding for not 'being good enough'

This is a problem which started as an Am I the Asshole question on Reddit (here) and seems to have caught the interest of the red-top press as well as me.

Two parents sold their son's house after he uninvited them from his wedding for not 'being good enough'. The groom disinvited his parents from his nuptials over fears they might 'embarrass' his partner's family, reports the Mirror.

The father of the husband-to-be took to social media to explain that he and his wife purchased a second home to be used by their son when he moved to college. He said they pay tax on the property, plus any maintenance fees, while their son, who pays no rent, sorts the utilities.

The dad continued to detail that the arrangement worked for years, even after the son's fiancee, who the family previously liked, moved into the home. However, he states that following a family BBQ, things all changed when they were informed by their son that they were no longer welcome at his wedding.

Posting on Reddit, the miffed father claims that he is going to put the son's house up for sale. He said: "Since he doesn't want us in his new life, he has to get out.

"According to what I was told 'We're not their kind of people'. I was livid, I called my son and asked him WTH this was about.

"He tells me that her family feel that we are not good enough and will embarrass them at a family wedding and that we are all uninvited from the wedding. I let a week go by to calm myself down and drive back to the house, the new future in-laws are in the house along with the fiancee.

"It appears that they all moved into the house. They ask me why I'm there, I tell them that since we aren't invited to the wedding, I was coming over to talk to my son.

"They tell me to leave their house. I lost it, and told them that they had 30 days to get out. Tell my son I'm selling the house and he could find somewhere else to live with all of you. I go to a realtor in town and list the house for sale."

The property problem sparked a lot of conversation on social media, with people keen to share their thoughts on the situation. Many people sided with the groom's parents over the matter.

One person wrote: "Rock on man. He was wrong and there is no amount of excuses or words to convince otherwise.

"It overall seems toxic and there is no reason why he should allow anyone to exclude his family. I could understand if maybe you haven't been supportive or there were issues but based off what I read it baffles me why he would even do this.

Another said the son was "experiencing the natural consequences of his actions." (Slightly adapted from here)

I have a slightly different perspective on this from most people who replied to the dad's question on Reddit, although I agree with them that he is not the asshole for kicking the son out of the house he owns for the circumstances of his wedding disinvite.

I do, however think that unfortunately the dad is still a little asshole, although he certainly doesn't mean to be, and the problem is his generosity to the son has backfired and probably screwed up their relationship.

It's especially unfortunate that the dad has given himself the short financial stick in the arrangement with his son over the house. It's in the States and I know that there tend to be massive taxes there that UK citizens don't expect but in the UK the dad would anyway be paying much more than the son with the way the bills are arranged, especially if the house is mortgaged.

This is generous of the dad isn't it? And shows how concerned he is that his son be spared the rent trap or have his quality of life reduced with a massive mortgage.

Isn't it?

No.

It's unfortunate, because by enabling his son to live rent- and mortgage-free it sounds very much like he's unwittingly attracted a gold-digger to the son. Not someone who is after the house, which after all belongs to the dad, but someone with social aspirations who is likely after the son's disposable income, which would of course be higher than it would be if he was paying a mortgage.

There is also a question of boundaries here for me, and I just think that as an adult it is never going to be ideal to live in a house which belongs to your family. I'm not even thinking of the sort of row that has happened here, which would risk making you homeless, but about the way it still makes you dependent on your parents since they are your landlord. So I'm British and share the national obsession with home ownership. Shoot me.

It's very unfortunate because the dad apparently had good intentions here. The best outcome would be if the fiancee dumps the son when he loses the house so that he can see she was after the lifestyle, not him. As it is, until the son comes round to thinking he's being unreasonable he will have a festering resentment towards his father for kicking him out of the house. 

I think it would have been better to give the son a cash gift towards a house outright, to stop the dependence on each other, proof the arrangement from family rows, and the son would have the satisfaction of owning his own home.

Do I even need to mention the various members of the royal family as another example of why individual autonomy is important?

And one last thing, you were thinking of turning up to the wedding anyway and making a scene, weren't you?