Agony Hound: My Husband of Four Years Doesn't Take our Role Play Seriously

I suspect this problem started off life on Reddit but it's such a sweet problem to have and is so hilarious it's spread round the internet and I personally found it on Tumblr.

The Hound says:

Jesus, what are you playing at? You must know that you must never speak to the cops without an attorney present! Keep your own counsel about it and insist on saying nothing without a lawyer present.

As for the spy scenario your only option, if he's going to do Clouseau, is to roleplay Cato. Otherwise he will get the impression, as I have myself, that it is you who aren't taking this seriously.

Life Lesson from Donald Trump

Generally speaking, if the prosecutor appointed as special counsel in your multiple crimes has most recently worked in prosecuting international war crimes in The Hague it's time to reconsider your life choices.

That's it, that's the lesson. It may not seem it but it could come in useful some day.

I'm saving the life lesson of how ashamed you should be if your 'taste' in decor is described as dictator chic for another day.

Spirit of Place: The Battle of Camp Hill

The Camp Hill area of Birmingham started off life called Kemp Hill after the landowner. The name got informally then permanently changed because it was where Royalist Prince Rupert set up camp at the Ship Inn when he thought he'd come up here giving it large to predominantly Parliamentary Birmingham in the Civil War. The battle took place on Easter Monday, 1643.

He wanted to get to the nearby Black Country to obtain more armaments and thought that going through the unfortified then small town (population about 5,000 in 1650) of Birmingham would be easy. He found that his men (numbers given vary between 1,400 and 2,000) were no match at all for only 300 townsmen armed only with what they happened to have and some soldiers from the Lichfield garrison. Prince Rupert went, 'Bugger me, I wasn't expecting this,' and they were forced to withdraw. They then had another go and were forced to withdraw again.

And here we have the true meaning of the immortal words, 'Made in Birmingham'. We've been working on our rep for centuries.

Eventually of course the town succumbed and Prince Rupert was widely critcised for then burning an unfortified town and killing a clergyman.

The site of the inn is now marked by a plaque on a traffic island and there is a weather cock supposedly shot by Prince Rupert himself in the museum.

You can read a contemporary account in A True Relation of Prince Rvpert's Barbarous Cruelly against the Towne of Brumingham here. 

Oh alright, I know you want to see that Arthur Shelby also understands what Made in Birmingham means!

Arthur Shelby is 100% made in Birmingham and proud of it! 😂😂 #PeakyBlinders pic.twitter.com/b2p5rWHyGt

— BBC One (@BBCOne) July 16, 2019

Madame Tussauds and Kanye West's Waxwork

So Madame Tussauds have removed their waxwork of Kanye West from display after his antisemitic comments.

That's terrible. What a waste. The waxwork really should be put to use. WHAT A WASTE.

What the hell are they playing at? Don't get me wrong, I'm ferociously keen on cancel culture and obviously antisemitic people and other Nazis should be cancelled, deplatformed, diversity trained until they scream and prosecuted to the full extent they can. Not killed, obviously, we don't want to get like them.

But when it comes to hiding a waxwork because it depicts an antisemitic scumbag, that's just wrong. They're sitting on the world's biggest wax poppit which already has the collective thoughts of its makers and everyone who has seen it, making a connection to the scumbag. It would be wicked to waste that.

They could get a witch to do it, but that waxwork is so ready that anyone could do it. You wouldn't even need to cast a circle, and even this blessing (from Starhawk) would be a formality:

"Blessed be, thou creature made by art. By art made, by art changed. Thou art not wax but flesh and blood. I name thee Kanye Omari West. Thou art he, between the worlds, in all the worlds, So mote it be."

And then you just set to, seeing in your mind every kind of misfortune happening to him until he admits he's a shit.

Fuel Economy with the Witch

Having done a general post on surviving economising I'm going to have to do this one specifically about the aspects of fuel economy which aren't appearing in the mainstream media and which are doing my head in. As always it takes a witch.

But first let me share the helpful graphic which illustrates this post. I would just say that the prices it estimates are based on the *times* on the left hand side so may not represent your situation if you use appliances for different times. I also think that heating a whole house for six hours for £6.76 is at best optimistic but I can't fault their comparative costs. There is also an excellent guide here.

But the two things nobody is saying that are doing my head in are:

1. There are LOADS of clickbait ads trying to get you to buy small fan heaters saying they are cheaper than central heating. Don't be taken in; fan heaters are horrendously expensive to run. If you want to buy an electric heater to heat a small area your best bet is to use a convector heater, and what's more the old Queen agreed with me.

2. What I haven't seen in any media is an essential fact relating to the perfectly sensible suggestion of turning off radiators in any rooms in the house not being used, so that you're heating less water. The problem with this is that you are creating a cold part of the house which will attract all the moisture in the air and will become very damp very quickly and possibly damage your possessions. My advice would be to move your possessions out of unheated parts of the house and leave only things which won't be damaged by mould. These areas will also need ventilating every day to let out the moisture in the air.

Not one of the media sources which has talked about turning off heating that I have seen has made any reference to this basic principle of physics.

Finally in case you are despairing that things will be resolved in the UK without another 300,000 people being killed by the government, have a happy memory of the days when politicians were real politicians. Anyone who has read this blog for any length of time will know what a compliment it is when I say I would have trusted this man with my life and the wellbeing of the country. He's also looking quite sensible in comparison to the cunts we've got in now.

Splodge the legend with his draught excluder: