Do you see the cobbles on the streets? Everywhere you look, stone & rock. Can you imagine what it feels like to reach down with your bones & feel the living stones? The city is built on itself, all the cities that came before. Can you imagine how it feels to lie down on an ancient flagstone & feel the power of the rock buoying you up against the tug of the world? And that's where witchcraft begins. The stones have life, & I'm part of it. - adapted from Terry Pratchett
Well this is another shit show isn't it. The only advantage is that Sunak is so hated by actual members of the Conservative Party they're all tearing up their membership cards and joining Reform UK..
There must be something they don't like about him. I can't think what it is. (sarc)
Personally in true Nanny Ogg style I keep wondering how a man of eye watering wealth can manage apparently not to own a single shirt or suit which actually fits him. It has been seriously suggested that because he's little, Sunak might be buying boy's school uniform to save on the VAT.
Anyway in an act of incredible restraint I am not going to predict how long his ministry will last because I'm not sure yet. Although sane and solid political commentators are giving him six months at the absolute most.
Instead I'm going to make two other predictions, one of which is being widely mooted and the other isn't.
The first is that *if* Boris lasts as an MP to the next election (and I know that if the standards committee suspends him for the required ten days his constituents are all ready to initiate a recall and prompt a by-election) he will not stand as an MP at all. His reasons are fairly obvious but it would be a pity because Count Binface has formerly asked the other parties not to field any candidates for Uxbridge so that he can stand as an independent and take Johnson down personally.
My other prediction is about Starmer and the elephant in the room, Brexit. My prediction is that if Starmer/Labour don't rejoin then Starmer won't be prime minister very long and the existing chaos will continue. Brexit is the unmentioned thing that is eating prime ministers alive because it just isn't possible to function as a tiny balkanized country in the 21st century.
I suspect though that what he might do to avoid U-turning again on it is say that people are clamouring to rejoin so let's have another referendum and then will truthfully be able to say he's doing the will of the people.
Going out on a limb here but I'm going to predict the next prime minister undemocratically thrust on us by the fucktangle of shitweazles that is the Conservative Party will be Rishi Sunak. Unfortunately I can't predict this with 100% certainty because they're so unstable.
Now I'm also going to surprise you all by saying that he isn't the candidate the Hound would back. Oh, no. Obviously what I want from what will realistically be available at the next election is a bit of Starmer.* But in the situation the Tories are in my favoured candidate would be Boris Johnson. Purely for the reason that that move would make the government collapse. In fact we could even have a new one by Christmas.
But I don't think that will happen, I think he's only on board as a candidate to make the public relieved it isn't him. What? You mean you made the mistake of believing anything a Tory says? Per-lease!
As it happens there is good news in the form of the voting intentions where the Conservatives continue to fall. That's the reason for the pretty map at the top.
If you're from the USA, don't forget the colours are the other way round here, our Magats are blue and our Democrats are red. The actual party called the Liberal Democrat Party is orange. The light yellow in Scotland is the Scottish National Party. That cluster of small constituencies in the centre near Wales is the West Midlands conurbation.
Now let's count up the blue constituencies. One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
That's fucking glorious.
That isn't political oblivion, that's not even needing a whole bench in the house even if all your MPs are there. In fact they might as well sit in a broom cupboard outside.
But that's not the best bit, oh no.
There's a lot of orange, but this means if these intentions continue to the next election the opposition party in Westminster would be...
The Scottish National Party.
Who would have thought the Westminster voting intention would provide me with my next wank?
*Please note that this is not what I actually want, which would be a complete revision of our parliamentary system to include at the absolute least some form of proportional representation. And also the Euro so the brexiteers get a slap every time they pay for something.
It's been a hell of a few weeks for us in this third world tinpot banana republic. And here is my prediction.
I think the Tories naturally want to get rid of Truss but they're fucked if they do and fucked if they don't.
If they get her to resign they have to get the members to choose the leader according to their constitution. Whoever they choose will be a disaster because they're at loggerheads. If they try to change the rules they'll alienate even more of their members.
If they try to prop her up with more competent people around her it will also certainly implode further because she's a walking disaster area.
Therefore my prediction is they will get her to resign, and try to select a caretaker PM, because I think they will think this means less instability. This will explode in their faces because they all hate each other. I don't think Boris would do it because who the fuck would.
The witch's advice which they won't take, is for the best long term effects now they should gather any shreds of integrity they have left and call an election and hand over to a coalition of opposition parties as a caretaker government while this is happening.
I am totally prepared for this to be wrong because who the fuck knows what's going to happen next.
I'm still amazed at how badly they understand the British character. When you start threatening home ownership you're encroaching on a national characteristic. And most of all, you do not insult the tofu.
Well that went well. It was lovely to see people on Twitter picking up the authentic Birmingham spirit in the welcome we gave the Conservative Party.
Meanwhile the battle for justice continues on social media and I have to say I find many aspects of social media fascinating from a magical point of view.
Glamours
The first is the one that people aren't necessarily who they present themselves as on social media. I mean, you didn't really think I was a dog did you?
Magically the new persona created to give someone a different impression is called a glamour. It's not that different from what actors do on a daily basis, or even from dressing the right way for an interview. It is also exactly what we do on social media when we create a profile and a persona.
The wise magical person will of course be wary of who they're talking to, be aware that people may not be who they present themselves as, and use discernment.
Disinformation
Where online glamoury differs from acting or preparing for an interview is that a LOT of the information on the internet is disinformation designed to manipulate other people. For example as the Tories drop even further in the polls Twitter fills with disinformation about Keir Starmer, etc.
The trick is to identify what the information is designed to do. To stay with the same example this disinformation is intended to stop people voting Labour. In our first past the post system, that would help a Conservative win and so attempts to stop voting Labour should be considered propaganda by the 'Let the bodies pile high' party and treated as such. Possibly it's people who don't understand FPTP but most likely to be Tory lies.
Magically you shouldn't engage with it. What should be done is a statement indicating what they are doing and then block them.
Thoughts are Things
This way people influence other people's behaviour on social media is nothing else than an embodiment of the occult principle that thoughts are things and have a reality. 'Influencers' are doing just that by influencing the way people think because that's where change starts.
I'm not a great one for loads of actual wards and shit. I think bad thoughts coming your way are far better grabbed hold of and used in whatever way you want.
The important thing about thinking on social media, though, is to be aware of what is bullshit and just recognize it immediately. The classic examples are the people who say vaccines cause autism. They don't, and anyone saying that should automatically be treated with suspicion.
Servitors
Blocking people before pointing out what they are doing may seem counterproductive but it isn't for two reasons. A real dyed in the wool Tory will not change their mind, and the main reason is the profile you're engaging with is quite likely not to be a real person.
The magical entities created to do things for the magician are called servitors and they are exactly the same as the 'bots' responsible for so much shit online. There are whole farms of these things so the best thing to do is a simple comment pointing out what they're doing and the truth, then block block blockety block.
An example of some bot posts illustrates this post.
Banishing
Blocking, of course, is the equivalent of banishing.
Personally I have thousands of accounts blocked on my Twitter and only follow something like 12. It's more like antisocial media, the way I go at it.
There is a very easy banishing technique which comes out of chaos magic, which is just to laugh at something. Much better to leave a humorous comment pointing out some facts (to reduce their power and help strengthen other people) then banish, or rather block, the account, than try to engage with them in any way. They don't want a debate, trust me.
The other thing is that the intention of a lot of social media posts is to clog things up and discourage people. Blocking does clean things up and helps you take control.
Words of Power
There's no point being a witch if nobody knows, so it's as well to aim to influence the people trolls or bots are aimed at. The evidence is strongly that their audience will be influenced, and even if the troll is a real person they won't be.
The words should be aimed at performing a major witch action: giving people power and letting them disconnect from trolls' power. Ideally, funny.
For example I posted an unexpectedly popular comment that every time anyone says on Twitter that Labour is the nasty party, another lifelong Conservative voter makes their mind up to vote Labour.
I wonder if they realize it's also a spell?
Have a soundtrack: Soho Road Utte by Sardara Gill, a classic bhangra hit about a road in Birmingham.
Goodness, sometimes I feel that it's just me who perceives the utterly welcoming yet strangely stabby spirit of Birmingham, but over this weekend lots of other people have too.
Just to reiterate the spirit as delineated by William Hutton, Birmingham's first historian:
'Were I to enter upon a dedication, I should certainly address myself, "To the Inhabitants of Birmingham." For to them I not only owe much, but all; and I think, among that congregated mass, there is not one person to whom I wish ill. I have the pleasure of calling many of those inhabitants Friends, and some of them share my warm affections equally with myself. Birmingham, like a compassionate nurse, not only draws our persons, but our esteem, from the place of our nativity, and fixes it upon herself: I might add, I was hungry, and she fed me; thirsty, and she gave me drink; a stranger, and she took me in. I approached her with reluctance, because I did not know her; I shall leave her with reluctance, because I do.' (From his History of Birmingham, 'Preface', http://www.gutenberg.org/files/13926/13926-h/13926-h.htm)
He comments on the welcome Birmingham affords the visitor and particularly the poor:
It is singular, that a predilection for Birmingham, is entertained by every denomination of visitants, from Edward Duke of York, who saw us in 1765, down to the presuming quack, who, griped with necessity, boldly discharges his filth from the stage. A paviour, of the name of Obrien, assured me in 1750, that he only meant to sleep one night in Birmingham, in his way from London to Dublin. But instead of pursuing his journey next morning, as intended, he had continued in the place thirty-five years: and though fortune had never elevated him above the pebbles of the street, yet he had never repented his stay.
'It has already been remarked that I first saw Birmingham in 1741, accidentally cast into those regions of civility; equally unknown to every inhabitant, nor having the least idea of becoming one myself. Though the reflections of an untaught youth of seventeen cannot be striking, yet, as they were purely natural, permit me to describe them.
'I had been before acquainted with two or three principal towns. The environs of all I had seen were composed of wretched dwellings, replete with dirt and poverty; but the buildings in the exterior of Birmingham rose in a style of elegance. Thatch, so plentiful in other towns, was not to be met with in this. I was surprised at the place, but more so at the people: They were a species I had never seen: They possessed a vivacity I had never beheld: I had been among dreamers, but now I saw men awake: Their very step along the street showed alacrity: Every man seemed to know and prosecute his own affairs: The town was large, and full of inhabitants, and those inhabitants full of industry. I had seen faces elsewhere tinctured with an idle gloom void of meaning, but here, with a pleasing alertness: Their appearance was strongly marked with the modes of civil life: I mixed a variety of company, chiefly of the lower ranks, and rather as a silent spectator: I was treated with an easy freedom by all, and with marks of favour by some: Hospitality seemed to claim this happy people for her own, though I knew not at that time from what cause.' (Ibid)
But of course there is the other side because if Birmingham reads you and welcomes you it also reads you and spits you out. This is why you meet people who love the place and people who loathe it, but it's not the place, it's the way it reads you and treats you accordingly. I sometimes feel like I'm making this up but this has even communicated itself to others over the weekend.
While I sat on a wall on the Pershore Road for a rest while walking home and a man came up to check I was ok, the haunted Victorian Toilet did a walk past the council house and got strongly heckled. I got one side of Birmingham, he got the other. But the strange thing is it feels like everyone else has picked this up.
As you know I am scrupulously fair and try to make this blog balanced so you will understand that I'm being very restrained when I say that the lying thieving Tory scum are in Birmingham for their party conference.
Well, it all kicked off before they started. They've tanked in the latest yougov poll and if that was repeated in a general election would be essentially wiped out. Then the chair of the Young Conservative Network made the mistake of tweeting that Birmingham was a dump and the backlash was immediate. I'm inordinately proud: Birmingham is the most welcoming place in the world but the reason some people don't like it is the spirit of the city reads you very accurately and will spit you out if you're a cunt.
I'm particularly fond of the hilarious comment about the Burger (Bar) Boys, which far from being anything to do with cooking was a previous vicious gang who were named after the place they hung out after a member was murdered there. Then a Birmingham Labour MP retweeted his comment with a comment about how the Conservatives were trying to endear themselves. He then deleted the tweet and tweeted an apology, at which everyone started tweeting his notably Islamophobic other comments about Birmingham:
He really is a privileged twat isn't he? He also suggested the conference should be held in a place which actually votes Conservative so of course everyone started pointing out how few places that will be after the next election.
I am honestly delighted at the perfect Twitter storm unleashed on him. You don't upset Birmingham and get away with it. I'm particularly keen on what happened next:
Because in the Conservative Party you can fuck up the entire country, steal and lie with impunity, but making the party look bad is very naughty.
You may be asking why I'm not advocating casting a spell to get rid of the government. Well, frankly I don't need to do I? They're doing it themselves!
Very important: In the next General Election for the first time you will need photographic ID to vote. The list of accepted ID is here. The evidence from around the world is that this requirement makes it more difficult to vote, and the government are obviously thinking that their own voters are most likely to have these things already. So if you don't, get one NOW so you're ready, because trust the witch, if you're not going to vote Conservative they're going to do everything they can to stop you voting.
Another Am I the Asshole and in fact I've had my eye on this one to do here for ages because it's a beauty and includes family conflict and food, my favourite things. Without further ado:
AITA for kicking my mom out of my house because of how she reacted to her partner not liking my wife's chili?
My mom and I have just come off of a 3 year estrangement. Her and my wife hated each other from day one, just really clashed and my mom was going through some stuff in her personal life and acting out. We mutually agreed it wasn't fixable and we should go our separate ways.
I recently reconnected with her at a party and told her that I wanted to try and fix things. My wife supported this. My mom is with someone I'll call "Rob" I'm pretty sure they are engaged but to be honest not 100% sure. We've seen my mom a couple of times since reconnecting and I can tell she is really trying. She seems extremely anxious and too nervous to talk, so we are taking it really slow, but I do believe that is her trying.
Recently we invited my mom and Rob over. My wife was making chili in the crock pot and it was done but we weren't ready to eat. She had some tortilla chips and said that she likes dipping it in the chili and invited them to have some while we waited. rob took some and gagged. I don't think he did it on purpose and he seemed embarrassed, but my wife's chili is very sweet. She uses maple syrup, chocolate powder, cinnamon, and brown sugar. My mom laughed which upset my wife because has always been smug about not thinking my wife is a good cook.
I could see my wife getting annoyed and snapped at my mom. Rob looked kind of ill and excused himself. My mom stood there for a minute in silence and then bolted after him and started banging on the bathroom door and demanding to be let in. He was ignoring her and she started freaking out and said she wanted to be hugged (she has some anxiety and PTSD related stuff and he is her comfort person) Just as I got to the door to tell her to stop banging Rob let her in and I heard their conversation. Rob was saying they had to get out of here because he can't eat that chili. My mom was kind of teasing him about aww you didn't like it and telling him she served it with rice with raisins and sugar and a chocolate sauce (a lie), and he said it tasted like dog food with sugar and he was going to have nightmares.
I saw red and my mom was laughing. It just brought me back to how smug she used to be and how she looked down on us. When they came out I told her to leave. My mom got really quiet again and said it was creepy that I was standing outside of the bathroom door. She said she's been trying and she feels I'm looking for reasons to hate her. I told her to just go because I was too emotional to talk to her. She left willingly but Rob told me I can't just nitpick and kick her out and then think she is going to want to continue to put work into this relationship. Source
The Hound says:
Unusually for me, I'm having a hard time seeing anyone as the asshole here. Not to beat about the bush, it's clear from your question that everyone involved in this is fucked in one way or another and that every relationship is also fucked. It is just as clear that you are all trying to make this work but it's all a bit too volatile.
If you and your mother mutually agreed that it wasn't fixable and then mutually agreed to try again I have to say that I feel like your relationship is better than you think it is, because you're distracted by the conflict. It's the mutual agreement here that would suggest that. If you think it would be helpful you could try emphasising the love you feel and the importance of the others to you in every conversation to make it about something other than arguing..
It seems to me the real conflict here is between the mother and the wife (that classic one). It sounds like they may be people who will just never get on.
Since I like advising people from my place surrounded by the wreckage of my family, I just have a few suggestions. Try to see your mother just you and her. Go somewhere nice with her that she likes and will be soothing. I'd keep your wife and her apart if you can until she's feeling more calm around you. If you have to have a family gathering make it in a neutral place like a restaurant.
If your significant others can't do it like this (for example if your wife feels like you don't trust her around your mother) you're going to have to start negotiation. Your situation is so complicated that I would honestly recommend a professional mediator (in the UK you can get this through Relate).
This may not seem witchy advice but working to turn a taut situation into something else is exactly the kind of transformation which is the ordinary donkey work of the witch.
Oh alright, I know you're all wondering why I didn't post any other advice before giving my own and it's because it's brilliant. Basically the whole of Reddit was agreed that the chilli was the asshole! Here are some examples:
Sorry, but your wife is a bad cook. Just accept it. It was so bad, a man who was trying to be polite couldn't help but gag. That doesn't make her an AH, but her being a jerk about it when people don't like her cooking is. (I mean, either she is a genuinely bad cook, or she intentionally sabotaged the chili just so she could act outraged when people don't like it. Take your pick.)
Right? I know that’s not what this post is about but can I say whoever invented that chili recipe is TA? Maybe when you’re trying to smooth things out with mil (who thinks your cooking sucks), it isn’t the right time to wheel out the avant-garde dessert chili.
OP, next time you reach out to Mom, do so at a restaurant where everyone can order what they want.
And who on earth invites people over to eat the most jacked up chili ever without warning them when they are invited about the ingredients? If I tasted that, I would have gagged too.
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