Saturday, August 13, 2016

I'm Out at Work

...out of the broom closet, that is. I don't really need to come out of the other closet, although the wonder is that as one of the world's more obvious homosexuals, I am such a c!nt magnet. As the time comes ever closer when I will be away from Zippy my last manager permanently and transferred to the team I was forcibly moved to, I'm settling in and actually feeling a member of the team.
With that comes feeling more at home, and I read the admin manager's tarot cards actually on the premises. Hidden in a back office, of course: I'm never knowingly appropriate but can be discreet when it suits me.
I was joking to a friend that I might even come out as a witch at work. Then the other day found me completing the organisation's LGBT questionnaire with one of the directors breathing down my neck as I did it.
'Don't fill it in bitchily, ' she said, 'i don't want to end up with an action plan because of anything you've done. '
'I will fill it in honestly, ' said I.
The first snag was where it wanted to know my religion. I put Witchcraft.
'Will you stop taking the fucking piss,' said the aforementioned director of the organisation I work for.
'I'm not taking the fucking piss, ' I said.
Since the whole office was now involved in my LGBT satisfaction questionnaire, somebody suggested that I put Wicca. So I did.
It's just my luck. I go around dressed in deepest black, am continually surrounded by controversy, then when I actually come out of the broom closet, people don't believe me.
What else can I do?
Actually I love that director dearly. It does look as if I'm going to get a warning as a result of the complaints about me by my enemies, but that is something to relish. The opposition have scored one point only. I have exposed two of the most sociopathic colleagues, forced their cronies to show what they're about, shown up Zippy's lack of management, managed to move to a great team, which works closely with the police (I'll admit, he forced me to kiss him on the cheek, but obviously it didn’t take much force), am in line for a promotion, have obliged my erstwhile colleagues to do some work because of my absence. I reckon that's a score of eight to start off with. Plus I know for a fact that Zippy has been crying in her office, and that is priceless. And if my former colleagues think they've caused me any inconvenience, I now have online access to every team in the organisation and can see at a glance that their turnover is too small to sustain them, so it's only a matter of time before the plug is pulled on them.
As a friend put it, in an incredibly envious voice, 'You've fallen on your feet again. '


  1. "You've fallen on your feet again." - Perhaps that's why many of our number like cats?

    Well, it all sounds good. Especially the arduous task of kissing men in uniform!

    1. Well it did interrupt my nap in the sun!


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