146,668 Page Views Guest Post by Evelyn Waugh

It has been far too long since we had a guest post, which I have been accustomed to commission when the blog's page views reached some round figure. Since the all-time page view count currently stands at 146,668, which is miniscule by some blog's standards but this blog does not seek popularity and that is a very round figure indeed, it is time for another guest post. They are usually by somebody dead or fictional, and this is no exception, since it is by Evelyn Waugh and comes from a letter of his dated 31st May 1942.
'[...] No. 3 [Commando] were very anxious to be chums with Lord Glasgow, so they offered to blow up an old tree stump for him and he was very grateful and he said dont spoil the plantation of young trees near it because that is the apple of my eye and they said no of course not we can blow a tree down so that it falls on a sixpence and Lord Glasgow said goodness you are clever and he asked them all to luncheon for the great explosion. So Col. Durnford-Slater D.S.O. said to his subaltern, have you put enough explosive in the tree. Yes, sir, 75 lbs. Is that enough? Yes sir I worked it out by mathematics it is exactly right. Well better put a bit more. Very good sir.
'And when Col. D. Slater D.S.O. had had his port he sent for the subaltern and said said subaltern better put a bit more explosive in that tree. I don't want to dissapoint Lord Glasgow. Very good sir.
'Then they all went out to see the explosion and Col. D.S. D.S.O. said you will see that tree fall flat at just that angle where it will hurt no young trees and Lord Glasgow said goodness you are clever.
'So soon they lit the fuse and waited for the explosion and presently the tree, instead of falling quietly sideways, rose 50 feet into the air taking with it 1/2 acre of soil and the whole of the young plantation.
'And the subaltern said said Sir I made a mistake, it should have been 7 1/2 lbs not 75.
'Lord Glasgow was so upset he walked in dead silence back to his castle and when they came to the turn of the frive in sight of his castle what should they find but that every pane of glass in the building was broken.
'So Lord Glasgow gave a little cry & ran to hide his emotion in the lavatrory and there when he pulled the plug the entire ceiling, loosened by the explosion, fell on his head.
'This is quite true.'
Mary Amory (editor): The Letters of Evelyn Waugh. New Haven and New York: Ticknor and Fields, 1980, p. 161.