Friday, January 14, 2022

The obstruction is the way

Apologies for the mindfulnessish sounding title - it just seems to fit best.

Today is the fourteenth of January which means it has been four days since my last post here. Not long by any standards, especially as this blog isn't a chore so I have always resisted any feelings of ought or should about it. And yet something very strange has been happening - I have convinced myself that I haven't posted for ages, have writer's block and should put a post on here saying the blog is on hiatus.

And then it struck me that virtually the only thing I actually have ever had to say here is that the hedge - a blockage - is the place of liminality where the magic happens. The hedge of the hedge witch also has similarities with the desert where you notoriously experience strange things.

And bingo - another blog post. The block, the hedge, is the source of the creativity. As one of the desert fathers never said - your hedge will teach you everything!

Monday, January 10, 2022

Whose Witchcraft?

Surely it will come as no surprise that I love the films directed by Pete Walker which star the wonderful Sheila Keith, an incredibly versatile old lady who had no qualms about playing a cannibalistic tarot reader in Frightmare. I have been watching House of Whipcord, with rather mixed effects. Speaking as a raging homosexual, a film set in a women's prison is never going to be sexy for me personally. However I suspect that House of Whipcord is intended to be sexy in the same way Hostel starts off sexy before the film deliberately makes it all wrong by having people's faces being blowtorched. This is a totally deliberate thing to make you feel all wrong, uncomfortable and slightly guilty.

But in the case of House of Whipcord, frankly seeing the girls getting whipped - I'm very aware that this is somebody else's sexual fantasy I am watching.

I am also following a man on Instagram who is hot stuff, and a witch, and definitely gay.

So why is he celebrating a very heterosexual God and Goddess, fertility, Wicca type witchcraft which is almost completely gleaned from other people, both books and I think he has had some direct teachers? It's like watching someone watching someone else's sexual fantasy which you know is not his. It's absolutely bizarre, in my eyes at least totally inauthentic and if he didn't have an intriguing patch of hair in a certain place I would be unfollowing post haste.

And yet despite this he still manages to keep an authentic sense of place. I think he is from the Black Country and I think lives in the Staffordshire country to the north of here, and local life and folklore totally gets an input into his witching.

Now you may very reasonably say, Hound, you arrogant bastard, who are you to say what is authentic to anyone else? And of course that's the point. It strikes me that he is using a different combination of the ingredients common to all modern witchcrafts from my own combination.

There are two different poles for how you get witchcraft. One is you are given it by someone else. This is obviously the initiatory traditions like Gardnerians, and their source for it is previous initiatory magical orders and Freemasonry. This tradition is also represented by the tradition Leland mentions that you have to give the magic to someone else before you can die. He tells the story of a witch who gave the power to a priest just for the craic.

The other tradition is the one where you go off into the woods (or into an underpass in my case - never underestimate the magical powers of a 1960s underpass) and teach yourself, make it up, or learn it from the entities you meet on the journey. There is much interchange between these two poles of course.

'There is no room for homosexuals in the Craft,' Gardner used to say. Of course this was because he liked nude young women and 'the great rite' and he can kiss my arse. My humble opinion is that if you ape someone else's witchcraft it will never truly be authentic. The way I keep comparing witchcraft to sex is totally deliberate - not just because it pretty much is sex - but the illustration holds perfectly. If you try to live someone else's sex life you're at best on a hiding to nothing - it must be yours and that is why Know Yourself is such a major magical thing.

Besides, the Goddess doesn't want sheep, that's a different thing completely.

I suppose the point I'm really getting at is you can't do somebody else's sexual fantasy or witchcraft and as you can see I have expressed my mystification but haven't actually gone so far as to act when someone else's witchcraft is in clear opposition to their expressed sexual interests!

Friday, January 7, 2022

Agony Hound: Husband confessed to an affair just after we got married - I can't move on

If your husband doesn't awkward up gatherings enough you can hire me to do it

My first demolition of another person's life and happiness of the new year with bad advice and witchy solutions! Another Coleen Nolan this time, from here.

Dear Coleen,

My husband and I have been together for a few years, but only married last summer in a very small (Covid-friendly) ceremony.

I’d wanted to tie the knot for a long time, but always felt I was pushing him into it.

However, he took me by surprise with a lovely proposal and seemed keen for the opportunity to have a very low-key wedding. But he admitted to me just before Christmas that he’d been having an on/off affair for some time.

He was very upset when he told me and said he’d ended the affair, but couldn’t cope with the guilt and wants to make a fresh start with me.

I don’t know the other woman – she’s someone he’s known for a while through work friends – but I know she’s single. I’m heartbroken and it’s ruined Christmas, obviously. I ended up going to stay with my family and he stayed at our house.

I do love him, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to move on from the betrayal – I just feel so hurt and humiliated at the moment.

My parents and the rest of my family are so shocked.

They all like him and can’t believe he would do something like this.

I’d love some advice on how to move forward.

Coleen says,

If you do want to try, I don’t think you can expect things to improve quickly.

However, I do believe it’s possible to move on from it and stay together if it’s what you both want.

You’re going to feel hurt and devastated for a while, and working through it will be painful. It’s a crisis point and things could go either way, but the most important thing is that he’s honest about why he had the affair and that you can both talk openly about how you feel and whether or not you can move on from it.

The best way to do this is probably through relationship counselling (try ).

Trust takes a long time to rebuild, so both of you need to be prepared for that – it’s not a question of your husband simply unburdening himself of the guilt and “making a fresh start”.

You have to pick through all of the painful stuff and, at the end of it, you might decide you can’t forgive him and remain in the relationship.

I realise how shocking and disappointing this is, especially after you married recently but, trust me, no one will be judging you.

Anyone who loves you will support you and want what’s best for you – whatever decision you come to. 

Unusually, I'm going to give a couple of the comments people have left on the page because I just love it when people are even more unsubtle than me, and I want a few different points of view because as will become apparent I wasn't sure.

Find out if it's the only affair during his time with you and if he has a past of cheating on exes, talk to the other woman independent of him and you'll have everything you need to know. Take him back now and he'll be having his cake eating it for the rest of your days.


I'd go for an anullment and severe all ties with her partner who by confessing has unburdened his guilt onto her.If she stays with him she will be looking over her shoulder for the rest of her life and nobody wants that.

The Hound says:

My literal first thought as I read the first paragraph was that he was a controlling bastard who at the very least could have done this before you got married. My second thought was to think that at least he has confessed to it which is better than just not telling you, and suggests that despite having bollocksed up he is making some effort to make his marriage work sensibly.

You can tell from my reaction and the comments I've copied above that this is fairly dividing so I am going to make a point of approaching this in a witchy way.

One of the classic magical acts is divination and so the first thing to do is to get an understanding of what is actually happening. For example, I leapt to the conclusion that he is one of those controlling and coercive types however don't know this, and you are not saying he is. However you would be well advised to make a point of his behaviour and how he makes you feel. Does he actually consider what you want really? Do you ever feel like he's ignoring your boundaries? I'm not suggesting a full scale inquest, just tuning more into what you are seeing and feeling, to see if any alarm bells have been ringing and you haven't been paying attention. For example you say that you have always felt like you were pushing him into marriage until he unexpectedly proposed and that is exactly the kind of alarm bell I mean, which need further exploration. As always I would suggest writing these things down or even drawing pictures to 'incarnate' them on paper, help make them real and provide a record if your thoughts become clouded.

The other thing, which is what makes advice from strangers at best irrelevant, is that only you know what you feel for your husband and what you want from a marriage. What I'm hearing you say is not that you are terminally betrayed by this - had you been you would have just walked out and not asked for help.

Making the marriage what you both want it to be is the ultimate witchy thing because it is an act of creation and self determination. Personally my own view is if he let you talk him into proposing to him while he was shagging another woman, you need your head examined if you keep him in your life, but who knows. He may be rich. It's your life and marriage and you're welcome to screw it up.

I would second Coleen's advice about relationship counselling because it will help to establish what you both want and establish your future marriage on a firm basis. I realise that I have tended to focus on you but of course you both are the unit here.

Speaking of which, you mention the reaction of other members of your family. I appreciate you needed to go somewhere but you've now made sure your family members will forever think of him as a cheat, and just to put it out there that if you're together at Christmas 2022 this fact may not help the gathering to be that comfortable.

However you don't come here for normal advice (you can get that from Coleen Nolan) so here's some magic if you decide you want to keep him faithful to you. I do not recommend doing this - not for the reasons Llewellyn publications give, that love spells like this don't allow the other person to consent - but because having your husband bound to you in this way is a thought which horrifies me.

There are two different things you can do beyond the obvious one of being so good in bed he'll never look at another woman again. Write his name and your name on two pieces of paper. Take bodily remains (hair, nail clippings, etc) and wrap them up in the respective papers. Bind the papers together (basically with whatever you fancy, although pink ribbon is good for love and red for lust) and you're good. If you want him to find it and be in awe of you as an enchantress, leave it under the bed or otherwise put it somewhere he won't find it.

The other one is genuinely ancient magic however may be seen as a little cultural misappropriation because it is from hoodoo, African American folk magic. Get your old cruddy knickers that you wear when you're on your period and cut out the crotch. Give the crotch bit a good boil in some water, throw away the knicker remains and let the water cool. Use it in cooking and in his drinks either all at once or gradually. He will be crazy for you and if you find he keeps being sorry for having cheated on the most wonderful woman in history and his repeated apologies become annoying, you'll have to find another way to occupy his lips. 

Tuesday, January 4, 2022

An Ethical Quandary

I should preface this post by saying that it is by way of thinking aloud and no actions should be taken on the basis of reading it.

I see that Marjorie Taylor Greene has finally been banned from Twitter for being a fool. I can see the argument that if you don't give these people a platform you force them underground and feed into their delusions of persecution. I can also see, and would come down on the side of, the argument that some points of view are so dangerous and just plain offensive, that they must not be given a hearing in civilized society.

The problem is that the society we live in is drifting so quickly towards Fascism that views and opinions which are just plain murderous are gaining further acceptance.

The obvious example is the view that we should just ignore coronavirus and the weak and the old can just die. I just wish I was caricaturing this.

The other obvious example is that our current UK government are interested in anything other than themselves and lining the pockets of their cronies. They are not governing the country and in my opinion the queen should use the legal power she has to dissolve parliament. They've made a few colossal mistakes - as the expert in human behaviour I am I could tell them for a fact that at some point taking away legal right to protest will in itself cause riots. But they didn't bother asking me.

The real problem is that the people in the ascendant cannot be reasoned with. They honestly don't care about anyone else and so have to be told, which brings me to the quandary. If you force these people to behave in a way which bears any consideration for anyone else, you are behaving exactly like them.

However if you don't force them - this will sound apocalyptic - the world will actually end. I am certain it will at some point because the sun can't last forever, but we're heading for an apocalyptic end of poverty, violence, starvation, and so on.

I don't have an answer to this. I'm lucky because I'm old, have no descendants and so would not be leaving this shambles for anyone else, but I honestly don't understand why you would bring a child into the world at this point.

I am acutely aware that this is the kind of power struggle I so often write about here. I am also acutely aware that the majority of people are sheep and will not do anything about it. Greta Thunberg is all very well but she won't change the trajectory.

Anyone any ideas?

Oh - I have a perfect soundtrack to this.

Sunday, January 2, 2022

More Turds

Hello Witches

Happy new year! Let's start off in true Hound fashion with a post about some turds if you feel like practicing your cursing. This post will be almost completely picture based because I happen to have found a number of pictures which speak volumes.

Every time anybody says the name of the people in this picture their fate is further sealed.

Birds of a feather flock together.

How nice.

More birds of a feather.

I had forgotten that Savile was a wrestler but a hero of mine, Adrian Street, beat him black and blue in the ring.

Adrian Street is the one on the right.

Finally I have found a gif I know you will all want to see because it shows me being co-operative and playing nicely and sociably.

Sunday, December 26, 2021


By the time you read this post it will have been resting for at least a few days because I am writing it in reaction, rather than in response to this blog post.

First up I have to say that Macha Nightmare has it bang on when she comments that there is a sense in which a witch is never really solitary. We are surrounded by energies and entities, and there is the tradition of the Red Thread which attaches us to all witches of all times. At least the ones we're talking to.

Where I would tend to disagree is about one of the reasons she gives for witches working solitary:

The Witch is socially maladroit.

This (and don't forget that it's coming from someone who calls herself nightmare and belonged to a coven called Holy Terrors) is to miss much of the point entirely. If your witchcraft and you yourself aren't socially maladroit and shocking, you're doing it wrong.

I first became aware of this as a child - I would have been in secondary school but very young indeed, and mentioned to a teacher about something that was going on in another teacher's private life. This was obviously something known in the staff room but not for discussion with the kids, and I got a cross examination about how I knew. Muggles are so slow sometimes - you would think that a teacher would be very aware of how kids can see things. Anyway she didn't believe that nobody had told me this and thought I was covering for someone, and some teacher had broken the secret.

The point of that is that magical abilities are automatically socially unacceptable. Additionally, transgressive actions can break down the social barriers to magical actions. To put it bluntly, if you're not socially maladroit, you're doing it wrong.

I think this view (which I find I have given the name of the No Fucks Given tradition) is something you come to as you get older. When I was a young witch first conscious of my witchiness I too thought that working with other people was the way to go. I belonged to the Children of Artemis and signed up for their coven finding service before it collapsed completely. In those days I had more time and energy for that sort of thing.

I think this more common reason for solitary working is obliquely mentioned in one of Doreen Valiente's books where she mentions that you will find older witches who work alone but have usually been members of covens when younger (I can't remember which book, sorry). Again the witches concerned are older: I think you just reach an age where you no longer have the patience to deal with politics. You may have a sense that there is limited time left in this incarnation, but you are certain that dealing with the ridiculous things people do in groups is a waste of time and you just can't be doing with it.

Once you reach this point you may come across as antisocial but frankly won't care. You will still find the advantages of a coven in other ways - the universe never leaves her witches unprovided for. This is of course a very individual view and this essay gives a different perspective, including more elements of how psychological development plugs into magical working. 

There is of course another very good reason for refusing to play nicely with the other children: doing so leaves you at a disadvantage to some c*nt who doesn't even pretend to play nicely. Who knows, if people stopped playing by the rules we may no longer have seas full of turds and a government which doesn't even pretend to follow its own rules.

In fact I've just realised that what I'm describing as the persona of the solitary witch is someone who has outgrown their previous ways and come into their own power! Anyone would think that was the point of solitary witchcraft! I'm also very aware that I am also thinking in the back of my mind that if you're going to start having to be nice to people and putting up with bad behaviour, you might as well be a Christian. And we've seen how well this approach has worked out for them. That's why they sit in neat rows for their rituals but ours are barely distinguishable from revolution. Because nobody is in charge.

So there.

Saturday, December 18, 2021

Urban Grimoire: A Modern Return to Sender Spell

Not one of mine, in fact I'm wide eyed with admiration at this woman. You may object that this doesn't at first sight appear to be a spell, but all acts are magical acts.

I particularly like that she gave him clear warning that she was after him. Some people may recoil at her saying she has ruined his life (I'd call it giving him the consequences of his actions, myself) but in nature balance is only achieved by toing and froing between opposites.

All credits to @_BeeEv on Twitter.

I will admit to feeling slightly bad that at this point I would have said no to him, he needed to get it to me first. This isn't purely because I'm a total bastard but I'm here to let people know they will stay inside boundaries. 

Absolute legend.

Truly worthy of a witch. I don't know how psychics did it before the internet.

Personally I'd have used his real name here, but then I'm a cunt.

Nothing wrong with checking you're right.

Remember, kids, the setting of the spell works as much as the spell itself. Use all the theatricality you can!

She's been more than patient at this point.

And he really is a turd. Some turds will be surrounded by other turds, in which case exposure won't work, but this is exactly what scammers who keep it quiet from family, fear.

This is the bit where it really struck me as most magical - to the discerning eye this guy has obviously had this coming for a long time, he just needed to meet the person who would start the ball rolling.

He's not sorry in the slightest and doesn't take responsibility for it.

Just for the record, nobody in their right mind would go near this clown's bootyhole but he can try. 😂

Somebody's mother never followed through on disciplinary threats.

She could in fairness have demanded some more cash as compensation but in that case would only have got recompense in the domain of Earth. I suspect there would have been no opportunity for him to learn his lesson though - he is after all a scammer and will no doubt see that as going with the territory. By demanding the same amount back he has got the comeback in other areas (specifically Water) and stands a better chance of learning the lesson.