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Tuesday, July 5, 2022

Agony Hound: AITA For tossing a blanket over my BILs head when he said he didnt want to see my baby nurse?

Today another Am I the Asshole? question from Reddit  which I've picked mainly because the more women learn to recognize men being dicks the more they'll stand up for themselves. This is a major part of the Womanly Art of Witchcraft.

Sorry if the title is wordy. I have a little baby, I'm running on little sleep lol.

My wife and I had our second baby two months ago (nine weeks) and as with our first I am breastfeeding. The first time round my family were meh about me nursing. I was much more conservative and covered up, until we had a dangerous situation where my daughter overheated and breathed milk in. Very scary, she's fine now, though.

Anyway, this time around I have warded off all types of covers. I am boob free and my daughter has a much easier time nursing. My family formula feed, so this is all new for them.

My brother in law is less happy with my recent confidence. We all got invited out for my dads birthday dinner, and obviously I took my little ones with me. While there my baby got hungry and I fed her, as one does. Afterwards my BIL mentioned how "things like that" make him uncomfortable, and asked if I'd cover up if baby nursed while eating. I told him no, and we ordered.

Food got there and she got hungry again, so I popped a lady out to feed her, yknow. He made another comment about not wanting to see a boob while he was eating. I was pretty annoyed and so I apologised with a smile and said something along the lines of, "Sorry, I'll just get this covered for you," and flung the blanket I had on my lap over his head.

I'm still proud of myself for managing it tbh. Even if it was an asshole move, it was a damn good throw.

A few people outside our family started laughing, and in his flurry to get it off, dropped it into his meal and had to reorder, so we all ate while he had to wait for his food again.

I made things pretty tense, but no one mentioned it again. Afterwards my dad told me I was immature and he wouldnt be inviting me to a family meal again if that was how I was going to act.

Following that everyone is upset, some even going as far as to call me a bad mother because I was petty. I personally am not super sure I was in the wrong, as my wife nor anyone we've told thinks so, but they all tend to be quite nice to me post baby due to hormones. I also cant tell if its my hormones making me feel like a shitty person.

Obviously I feel bad about making him wait for his food, but that wasnt directly my fault? He was pretty humiliated with people laughing at him as well, but I do kind of feel it was deserved.

AITA?

Short answer, No.

Longer answer: There are a few things very suggestive of what is going on here. First we're talking about a woman feeding her baby, a normal bodily function which is all yours to regulate. You also mention recent confidence, the power dynamic here is actually to undermine your recent confidence. Like so many things, this isn't about the apparent subject, breastfeeding, when you look under the surface.

Obviously it's entirely up to you how you manage this from here on. It's also obvious that there are going to be difficulties within the family. My advice would be to tackle family members individually and try to get them on board. If it becomes apparent that they've decided to turn on you for this then I'm afraid you would have to decide where to take it. You may feel that you don't want to upset them and that's fine. 

Personally I'm afraid I've reached an age where I realize I should have used the words 'fuck off' much more frequently when I was younger, so I would be inclined to tell them that they get you with boob or not at all. 

If a number of family members take your side I would suggest that this may be an appropriate way for them to dress to smooth family relations:

... with the aim of really helping family relations along, and I do mean a Trump-family-on-trial level of tenseness.

In fact I'm so convinced that your brother in law is an asshole that I would be quite happy to come to your family gathering and helping things along by showing him my own magnificent set of boobs. I'm a man, by the way but am always up to show solidarity or awkward up any situation.



5 comments:

  1. It does feel like it was intended to be a power move by the Brother-in-law to enforce "acceptable social standards" and it failed because she resisted. The rest of the family just "didn't want to deal" with the whole thing at all, but given some time I think they will get over it.

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    1. Yes. Although I'm sure you won't be surprised to know that not wanting to deal with things drives me up the wall!

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    2. Oh dear, I would definitely be driving you up a wall then as there are several things I have not been wanting to deal with lately!

      I've been so overwhelmed I took my hands off the wheel (metaphorically speaking) expecting some of all the other adults around me to pick up the slack and take the wheel for a while, but they all seemed determined to let us crash into a wall if I'm not willing to drive. For fucks sake! What's a girl gotta do to catch a break around here!?!?!

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    3. Not you - stopping because you're overwhelmed is doing something! So is unscrewing the wheel and actually giving it, cartoon style, to the other adults....

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    4. Hahaha! I appreciate the imagery! Maybe I should mime that out for them so they get it.

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