INFJ Communication

One of the fascinating things about having the INFJ Myers Briggs personality type is that it's perfectly simple to understand us. We know your shit, will know if you're lying and if we say something will happen it damn well does. Perfectly simple.

The trouble is the rest of the world are busy making it complicated. How I laughed when I read this:

INFJs are quiet, supportive and encouraging people who seek harmony in their relationships. They are sensitive individuals who appreciate and want to bring out the best in other people’s talents and abilities. Source

Now I just know that you will all recognize me there. 

The INFJ walks a fine line between revealing truth and navigating the labyrinth of others’ emotions and ego defenses. They routinely wrestle with the question of whether it’s worth professing truth when it’s likely to fall on deaf ears or incite ego defenses. Unfortunately, they often end up feeling guilty either way, for either failing to reveal the truth or for hurting or offending someone with the truth. Source

Much more to the point and accurately brings out the two minded aspect of being INFJ.

But I don't think that's the real problem with INFJs communicating. It took me forever to realize that I was doing it and when I did, I realized I have been doing this all my life. In fact I've basically already said what the problem is. Because an INFJ works with a vast map of interconnecting facts and is constantly weighing things up, what we say is a very small part of what we are thinking. In my experience genuinely a much smaller part. Because the person we're talking to may not have access to all the thoughts and feelings before we speak they're almost guaranteed not to get our drift.

So that's why I'm always feeling like people aren't listening and they're always saying I don't say what I mean! And to think I pride myself on having good communication skills!

Let me be clear that I'm not simply talking about not quite communicating your meaning. I mean that I tend to say what I mean but don't communicate the parts of the thinking process which led me there and are essential parts of the meaning to anyone else.

I realized this is why people think INFJs say random things or our thoughts are disjointed. In between the things we say we go back into our thinkery/feelery and people don't see what goes on in there. Certainly years of nursing have taught me that when people ask why the hell a doctor's suggested what they have, 9 times out of 10 explaining why will reassure them.

Being the kind person with people skills that I am I of course make an effort to show my working to fill in the meaning. Because saying 'Just shut up and listen because I'm right' tends to offend.