Dysfunctional Families: What I Have Learnt

Regular readers will know that things have not been OK between my mother and myself for years. The situation has now changed because last month she succumbed to coronavirus. This post is a summing up, since I have seen that my comments have been helpful to readers in a similar situation.
1. People don't understand this unless they are in a similar situation. They will tell you that you should focus on the good memories, and don't understand that a dysfunctional parent sours what you thought were good memories.
2. There is no point trying to explain this to people. I made a point of not going round friends and family bitching about my mother (which she didn't hesitate to do about me). In retrospect this was the right thing to do. Don't try to explain it, you will know if they're ready to hear it.
3. People who get it will give socially inappropriate responses for example my friend who merely said 'Thank fuck for that'.
4. The rest of the family won't hesitate to come out of the woodwork after a death, even if they have given you the cold shoulder for years. Don't be taken in - they may not know what the last will says and will be eager to make everything up with you in case.
5. Blood is not thicker than water. If you have been estranged from your family this will be for a reason and you will know yourself if it is a good reason. When somebody is out of your life, yes you miss them but you also can see what your life is like without them, and if it is better the decision embeds itself.
6. If you are executor or legatee in a difficult family situation, do it properly with a solicitor. Dealing with an estate is a complex matter and having solicitors sort it will help against any challenges to the will. This is not even being histrionic - these people are ghouls.
7. Don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to.
And finally...
8. There will be divine signs or the synchronicities that we witches look for anyway.