Solitary?

By the time you read this post it will have been resting for at least a few days because I am writing it in reaction, rather than in response to this blog post.

First up I have to say that Macha Nightmare has it bang on when she comments that there is a sense in which a witch is never really solitary. We are surrounded by energies and entities, and there is the tradition of the Red Thread which attaches us to all witches of all times. At least the ones we're talking to.

Where I would tend to disagree is about one of the reasons she gives for witches working solitary:

The Witch is socially maladroit.

This (and don't forget that it's coming from someone who calls herself nightmare and belonged to a coven called Holy Terrors) is to miss much of the point entirely. If your witchcraft and you yourself aren't socially maladroit and shocking, you're doing it wrong.

I first became aware of this as a child - I would have been in secondary school but very young indeed, and mentioned to a teacher about something that was going on in another teacher's private life. This was obviously something known in the staff room but not for discussion with the kids, and I got a cross examination about how I knew. Muggles are so slow sometimes - you would think that a teacher would be very aware of how kids can see things. Anyway she didn't believe that nobody had told me this and thought I was covering for someone, and some teacher had broken the secret.

The point of that is that magical abilities are automatically socially unacceptable. Additionally, transgressive actions can break down the social barriers to magical actions. To put it bluntly, if you're not socially maladroit, you're doing it wrong.

I think this view (which I find I have given the name of the No Fucks Given tradition) is something you come to as you get older. When I was a young witch first conscious of my witchiness I too thought that working with other people was the way to go. I belonged to the Children of Artemis and signed up for their coven finding service before it collapsed completely. In those days I had more time and energy for that sort of thing.

I think this more common reason for solitary working is obliquely mentioned in one of Doreen Valiente's books where she mentions that you will find older witches who work alone but have usually been members of covens when younger (I can't remember which book, sorry). Again the witches concerned are older: I think you just reach an age where you no longer have the patience to deal with politics. You may have a sense that there is limited time left in this incarnation, but you are certain that dealing with the ridiculous things people do in groups is a waste of time and you just can't be doing with it.

Once you reach this point you may come across as antisocial but frankly won't care. You will still find the advantages of a coven in other ways - the universe never leaves her witches unprovided for. This is of course a very individual view and this essay gives a different perspective, including more elements of how psychological development plugs into magical working. 

There is of course another very good reason for refusing to play nicely with the other children: doing so leaves you at a disadvantage to some c*nt who doesn't even pretend to play nicely. Who knows, if people stopped playing by the rules we may no longer have seas full of turds and a government which doesn't even pretend to follow its own rules.

In fact I've just realised that what I'm describing as the persona of the solitary witch is someone who has outgrown their previous ways and come into their own power! Anyone would think that was the point of solitary witchcraft! I'm also very aware that I am also thinking in the back of my mind that if you're going to start having to be nice to people and putting up with bad behaviour, you might as well be a Christian. And we've seen how well this approach has worked out for them. That's why they sit in neat rows for their rituals but ours are barely distinguishable from revolution. Because nobody is in charge.

So there.

Urban Grimoire: A Modern Return to Sender Spell

Not one of mine, in fact I'm wide eyed with admiration at this woman. You may object that this doesn't at first sight appear to be a spell, but all acts are magical acts.

I particularly like that she gave him clear warning that she was after him. Some people may recoil at her saying she has ruined his life (I'd call it giving him the consequences of his actions, myself) but in nature balance is only achieved by toing and froing between opposites.

All credits to @_BeeEv on Twitter.

I will admit to feeling slightly bad that at this point I would have said no to him, he needed to get it to me first. This isn't purely because I'm a total bastard but I'm here to let people know they will stay inside boundaries. 

Absolute legend.

Truly worthy of a witch. I don't know how psychics did it before the internet.

Personally I'd have used his real name here, but then I'm a cunt.

Nothing wrong with checking you're right.

Remember, kids, the setting of the spell works as much as the spell itself. Use all the theatricality you can!

She's been more than patient at this point.

And he really is a turd. Some turds will be surrounded by other turds, in which case exposure won't work, but this is exactly what scammers who keep it quiet from family, fear.

This is the bit where it really struck me as most magical - to the discerning eye this guy has obviously had this coming for a long time, he just needed to meet the person who would start the ball rolling.

He's not sorry in the slightest and doesn't take responsibility for it.

Just for the record, nobody in their right mind would go near this clown's bootyhole but he can try. 😂

Somebody's mother never followed through on disciplinary threats.

She could in fairness have demanded some more cash as compensation but in that case would only have got recompense in the domain of Earth. I suspect there would have been no opportunity for him to learn his lesson though - he is after all a scammer and will no doubt see that as going with the territory. By demanding the same amount back he has got the comeback in other areas (specifically Water) and stands a better chance of learning the lesson.

Agony Hound: My close friends' marriage ended in a bad way - who should I side with?

More lives ruined by the Hound's bad advice. Once again this is from Coleen Nolan

Dear Coleen

I’m still close friends with a group of people I went to university with more than a decade ago. Two of this group are married to each other and have two young children. Recently, the husband walked out and started “dating” another woman in our group of university friends.

Naturally, his wife is angry and devastated, as she says there were no warning signs and no conversations about how he was feeling – he just upped and left one day and then called her to say the marriage wasn’t working.

Soon after, it transpired he was seeing this other friend.

I don’t know what to do in terms of my friendships – I feel stuck in the middle. I want to support the wife, obviously, but I’m also very close to her husband. In fact, I used to live with him in a shared flat.

Is it possible to stay friends with both of them in the circumstances?

I think what he did and especially how he did it was horrible. I don’t know if he was seeing our other friend before walking out on his marriage, but the intention was obviously there.

We’re all very shocked about it. Can you advise?

Coleen says

I think in this situation, he’s clearly in the wrong. People fall out of love – that’s life – but he left without warning and with no explanation, and then immediately took up with one of his wife’s close friends.

It’s hideous and, of course, his wife is going to wonder how long this relationship has been going on for.

I guess it depends on which friend you’re closest to, but at this early stage when it’s still very raw, I think his wife needs all the support, love and kindness she can get.

You shouldn’t cancel someone for falling out of love with their partner, but the way he handled it is wrong and cruel, and I think everyone in your friendship group will probably be of the same opinion.

It’s up to him and this other woman to build bridges.

It’s not up to you to make him feel OK with his decisions.

I’ve been in the situation of losing friends when my first marriage broke up and it’s a horrible feeling when you’re already hurting.

The Hound says: There are several things that spring to my eye in your situation.

The first is what an incredible friend you are, in fact what an incredible group of friends if you are still supporting each other a decade after uni. You personally are obviously a very valuable friend. 

The second is that you say that you are all shocked by the husband's behaviour and this is obviously a difficult situation because you're asking for help. What specifically are you worried about here? I do see that it's a nightmare with the potential for the whole friendship group to split down the middle.

Thirdly assuming what you say is the objective truth, the husband is being a total turd. If you want to, you could try to be supportive to both sides, but this will end up with him being spat out of the friendship group. I sense that you wouldn't like that to happen however when you marry in a friendship group and do that, the only consequence will be you end up out of the group.

I have thought about a couple of ways to approach this but I honestly don't think it's up to anyone else in the group to fix this. I would say go with it now and a resolution will come out of the group (Goddess, I sound like Starhawk).

As always I would suggest thinking through what you're going to say in all possible scenarios (him asking you to side with him, her ditto, other friends asking you to speak to one of them, etc) even if it's only being ready with a script that you're going to have to go away and think about it. It is actually okay not to have the answers and to say so.

There is also nothing wrong with picturing what you would like to happen in an ideal world!

I am totally not suggesting going to his new girlfriend and telling her the wife has Chlamydia, because that would be horrible and totally satisfying.

Two Insights from the Golden Dawn Tarot

The projected Order of the Golden Dawn-style tarot deck has had its publication put back again until February, and I'm really champing at the bit. Nonetheless while I wait I am slowly chewing over the available books about the order's approach to tarot. This is of course what lies behind the Rider Waite deck.

The order's Fool card is of course quite different from the RWS card. However speaking as a hound myself I can't believe it has taken me this long to notice just how punk the dog's collar is! It's really cool and implies the kind of uncontrolled wildness controlled by the child's innocence!

Source

The order's Universe (or World) card is even more iconic because of being seen in a notebook kept by WB Yeats. Robert Wang in Qabalistic Tarot says that the twelve spheres are the zodiac (hence the universe) and the seventy-two pearls represent the names of God. However he also says that the shape formed by the spheres is the womb of the human mother and Great Mother passed through death. Now I must disclose that I am a raging homosexual and so have never seen a woman down there in reality and even I can see that is not the shape of a womb. It's a shape of something else. Ahem.

You won't find advertising on this blog but this punk dog coat is too much fun to miss!

A Very Good Cause

Hello Witches.

If you live in the UK please write to your Member of Parliament and ask them to raise in parliament the government's flagrant breaches of their own lockdown and the Metropolitan Police's refusal to police this.

If you don't know who your MP is you can find out here.

Last December, during lockdown, while the population were not seeing family and facing fines for breaking the rules, a number of parties which broke these rules, were held at 10 Downing Street.

The Metropolitan Police have refused to investigate this because they say they don't prosecute covid breaches retrospectively.

Which might make some sense if 10 Downing Street wasn't one of the few houses in Britain which always has a police officer outside. So they also ignored it as it happened.

Cunts.

Agony Hound: Husband refuses to stop smoking so we can have a baby - I'm furious with him

High time I assisted someone else to ruin their life again and once again this is a Coleen Nolan:

Dear Coleen,

My husband and I have been trying to conceive and he was advised by our doctors to improve his lifestyle significantly – quit smoking, cut down on alcohol, lose some weight and so on.

However, he’s not taking it seriously at all and although he doesn’t smoke at home and told me he’s given up, I found some cigarettes in his coat pocket.

I’m furious with him because he knows how much having a baby means to me. I don’t want to start a big row, as things are stressful enough, but how can I get him to listen?

Coleen says,

I have lots of friends who struggled to have kids and know how stressful and soul crushing it is. So maybe it’s the pressure that’s driving him to smoke. I think you need to be careful that you don’t come across as blaming him for your situation because it’s just piling more pressure on top. And you have to be a team.

Why not make the focus a healthier diet because this is something you can do together? If you find cigarettes again, acknowledge that this is a tough time, but you want to try what the doctor is advising. You could even set yourselves a target, such as “we’ll try really hard and give it everything we’ve got for the next six months”, so it feels like there’s a timescale and something to aim for.

It’s hard for him if he’s been told that it’s his lifestyle that’s the problem.

And if he’s feeling pressured and guilty, then he’s going to feel stressed, and when you feel stressed, you want to reach for the ciggies or eat more.

I realise it’s frustrating, as you’re probably doing all the right stuff and every month is a huge disappointment.

But you have to figure out how to do this as a team – with kindness and empathy.

The Hound says:

I think Coleen shows how truly sensitive and kind she is here. To be honest this is such a common thing that I am going to give a handy spell for conceiving first.

It's very simple indeed - try to forget that you want to have a baby. Seriously. There's no medical support for this, but it's like people who really really want children can never have them, and people who rely on crossed fingers for contraception conceive every time they they go to bed.

As for the smoking, you can't do better than Coleen's advice, but I'm afraid I'm going to go one step further and say it doesn't sound like you are doing this together. It sounds like it is all-consuming to you and you don't feel like it is to your husband and are those really the circumstances you want to have a baby?

There is actually another way to get pregnant, which I am going to share because you don't come here expecting normal, and that is to have an affair. I'm not making this up. When a woman has sex with more than one man their sperm actually compete, although you are always more likely to get pregnant from a fling than a regular partner. I'm sure you will have the sense to pick a man who has similar colouring to you or your husband.

Hey, it's office party season, so if you do it right you could be knocked up and out of a job in the new year, thus spiting your husband by getting pregnant and forcing him to foot the bill. Follow me for more life coaching!

Animals in the City

Among the things I like about city living is that periodically you come across animals that aren't dogs or cats and you really wouldn't expect to see in a city.

For example these pigs on Digbeth High Street in 1903 (you can see the library and the Old Crown in the background):

More contemporarily we have Angel and Muffin, the two famous alpacas who live at the vicarage in Winson Green:

There have been deer:

And in the past week a random sheep has been running round in an unidentified part of the city:

Now even I know that with the exception of the alpacas (who have a specific therapy role) these animals are mainly destined to be eaten. Even I know that lamb doesn't conveniently come in chops. The same reason explains the pigs and the sheep a century apart. It's an absolute jungle out there.

Image sources:

The pigs: https://mobile.twitter.com/oldcrownbham/status/1009684843133730816

The alpacas: https://www.birminghammail.co.uk/incoming/gallery/say-hello-alpacas-james-turner-21820353

The deer: https://www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/local-news/urban-deer-are-on-the-rise-in-birmingham-says-131630.amp